I should confess to being way behind on viewing my email subscriptions and reading my email. It isn’t so much that I am disinterested as much as it is that nothing seems to catch my interest. Sewing, making jewelry, shopping, working, cleaning my house, reading a book, watching a movie, doing a crossword puzzle, working in the yard, being on the computer…. Nada. Zip. Zilch. In fact, I don’t really go out of the house unless I have very specific reason. Work. Groceries. Drop the kiddos at school. That’s about the extent of my outside ventures of late. Well, toss in to go and visit that guy on occasion. But, then he and I don’t go anywhere. We just stay at his house. We did go for ice cream once when the air conditioning was broken, and it was miserably hot in his apartment. So, even going to his house is pretty safe for not having to venture outside.
How do I arrive at a solution to the problem of making myself want to do something? I will decide to do something, and I may make an attempt at doing it. More often than not, it doesn’t get past the stage of being a thought process. Sometimes, I do start to do something, but I stop shortly into the process because completing it doesn’t really seem to matter to me.
The medication helps in that some things do go beyond being merely thought about and do get under-way. However, the medication does not seem to be the “magic bullet” to cure what is ailing me.
Am I afraid to try because I may fail, or am I afraid to try because I may succeed?
Do I want to delve that deeply into my psyche when it is after midnight, and I have to be up by 7am?
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