It's Gonna Be A Long Night...

Dunno wtf I was thinking… Here I was planning on going to bed like an hour or so ago. Then, I remembered that I'm working a 7pm to 7am shift tomorrow. So, instead of getting up from in front of the computer and going to bed, I got up and went into the kitchen and made some coffee.

Guess I'm just too focused on a couple of other things right now.

I have THE interview tomorrow at 9am at the VA. I had told the intern who called me back yesterday afternoon that any day was good for me other than Friday. I guess the other candidates could make it tomorrow. Oh well. I am sure I will make a fantastic impression after being up all night. So, that's Thing Number One that's on my mind.

Thing Number Two...

I'm thinking of breaking it off with the guy.

That will have my friends asking wtf is wrong with me for certain.

Truthfully, I really don't know why I have it in my head that I want to break it off with him. I'm guessing that I may be where Lisa was on Monday. She wasn't having a good "I feel good about this relationship" day at all. She and I talked for almost an hour. I saw her for a few minutes today, and she is feeling much better. I'm glad.

Right before I got to her office Monday, she had called Barb and said that she was going to leave early. She had thought about it for a bit longer, had switched into "fake it 'til you make it" mode, and had decided to go ahead and stay at work.

I have no idea why I am feeling this way. He has not done anything or said anything out of the ordinary to me. I do not feel any differently towards him than I did yesterday, or the day before, or last week...

Maybe it is:
a) the depression
b) hormonal
c) the stress
d) all of the above

This could be related to the change in my antidepressant medication. I had tapered the Celexa from 60mg to 20mg a day and have been back on the Lexapro for only 5 days now.

I cannot think of one single reason as to why I want to stop seeing him. I only know that this is how I am feeling. It is quite disturbing(?) unsettling(?) to me.

It's coming up on 2am. I have been playing some online games and doing some knitting. I am trying to stay busy and keep my mind from wandering back to this illogical and irrational place where this decision is to be found.

It is going to be a very long night.