Well, the crunch is on. I have 35 minutes to blog before jumping in the shower and racing off to work 12 rather than 4 hours. Oy! So, I suppose it's a good thing I was a slug and decided to sleep today. That would have made or an overnight shift for which even Starbucks had no cure! lol
I'm frantically looking for the rest of the meds that I want to take before dashing off to work. I really need to find a better system for organizing the 3 to 4 dozen bottles of prescriptions, vitamins, and other assorted OTC meds that I take.
The week has proved to be long. I am quite depressed. Clinically depressed, not just feeling miserable type of depressed. Plenty of the feeling miserable is included, but it's not the root cause of the suicidal ideations; just adds to them, unfortunately.
Guess it's time for some medication adjustment and some therapy. (Mike Muir begins to sing inside my head. Google Infectious Grooves if you don't get that reference.)
At least, the additional hours will go on next week's paycheck. That's a plus. The thought of that 40-hour check was beginning to cause some serious anxiety which doesn't help my current mental status at all. I can't even think about income and bills right now. It has gotten that bad. Oh fuck, I hate being at the mercy of the rheumatoid that precipitates the manifestation of most of this shit that stresses me out to this point. I can't sleep for days at a time, even with medication, so why bother to take the drugs that serve to do nothing (at that point) other than make me sluggish and constipated. So, I'll live on nicotine and caffeine until I'm at the point of exhaustion, take a couple of melatonin and a Flexeril, and sleep for the better part of a day. That was my bedtime regimen at 3am this morning. I can't eat. Actually, I don't even think to eat. Two or three days pass, and it will occur to me that I haven't eaten. I've managed to lose 5 of the pounds that the last round of steroids packed on my ass within the last week though, so it isn't all bad.
And, those who know me find themselves wondering why I've chosen to go back to being atheist at this point. My response of, I can do badly on my own so why am I in need of a god to help? does seem to communicate to them where I'm standing at this point.
Hindolo has probably been the most supportive and willing to give me plenty of room and not press the issue at this point. Losing both of his parents in the civil war in Sierra Leone when he was so young has given him both perspective and position to understand what I'm going through. (Though honestly, I cannot begin to fathom what he has been through, and I feel my own crises to pale in comparison to what he has survived.) Val, who lived thorough World War 2 in Italy as a young woman and who also has rheumatoid arthritis, has pretty much taken up position beside him. So, I'm not without a support system, which is good because I am still convicted that I owe a serious and heart-felt apology to anyone that I've told to trust in and rely on God over the years of my being Christian. And, then there's Al, my fellow former cult victim, who let the argument drop with.... though he slay me, yet will I praise him. Val gave him kudos for that one. (Just so you know, Al, because I know you read this mess! lol)
Time to jump and run. More in the morning if I don't decide to crash the car on the way home.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Sunday, July 15, 2007
... to Hell in a Handbasket - Part Two
When last we left our sultry (snickers, ok ROFLMTCFAO - There, I hope you're happy now.) heroine, she (that would be me, for y'all whose family tree is missing the requisite number of forks) was pondering love - one of those concepts best left to the realm of the poets and the dreamers. In any case, left to someone far less cynical and jaded than myself.
So, I suppose we shall segue at this point to concepts more suited to my nature... apathy, rejection, disdain, incredulousness, the search for the perfect margarita, shoe shopping, algorithms. Maybe I am in need of a margarita and shoe shopping algorithm for all to be made right within my world?
I cyber schlepped over to Yahoo 360 at some point within the last couple of days. I don't like the Yahoo 360 team nearly as well as I like Tom from MySpace. I could delete Tom from my friends list. I'm stuck with the blather from the 360 folks. (Reason number #78 for bailing from Yahell.) Their last two blog topics appeared on the home page. Most recently, what was your last "major purchase." Setting the benchmark for a "major purchase" as $20 or more. Twenty dollars?? Is this 1966 or are they writing for eight year olds? The previous post was how your online persona differed from your 3D (real life) persona. I had to think about that one for a minute. In my cyber reality, I am not a dentist from Pacoima (nod to my 3D friend Steve for that one, LOL). I happen to be pretty much the same in both realities. The main differences I can think of are that I'm not allowed to legally sign my name as Karma Dogma in the 3D reality and my avatars change hair color and hair styles a bit more frequently than I do in real life.
It's nearly 3:40am EDT, and I have to work in the morning.
I suppose I'll close here for now & see what Part Three of this installment holds come tomorrow.
So, I suppose we shall segue at this point to concepts more suited to my nature... apathy, rejection, disdain, incredulousness, the search for the perfect margarita, shoe shopping, algorithms. Maybe I am in need of a margarita and shoe shopping algorithm for all to be made right within my world?
I cyber schlepped over to Yahoo 360 at some point within the last couple of days. I don't like the Yahoo 360 team nearly as well as I like Tom from MySpace. I could delete Tom from my friends list. I'm stuck with the blather from the 360 folks. (Reason number #78 for bailing from Yahell.) Their last two blog topics appeared on the home page. Most recently, what was your last "major purchase." Setting the benchmark for a "major purchase" as $20 or more. Twenty dollars?? Is this 1966 or are they writing for eight year olds? The previous post was how your online persona differed from your 3D (real life) persona. I had to think about that one for a minute. In my cyber reality, I am not a dentist from Pacoima (nod to my 3D friend Steve for that one, LOL). I happen to be pretty much the same in both realities. The main differences I can think of are that I'm not allowed to legally sign my name as Karma Dogma in the 3D reality and my avatars change hair color and hair styles a bit more frequently than I do in real life.
It's nearly 3:40am EDT, and I have to work in the morning.
I suppose I'll close here for now & see what Part Three of this installment holds come tomorrow.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Hey, It's Awfully Hot In Here & Whoa, What Am I Doing In This Handbasket? Part One
Yes, I am well aware that I am an ass. You must remember, I am the woman who has written in red Sharpie marker on the back of my credit card "You actually checked. Wow!"
I used to make it a point to learn the names of all the new staff during their orientation week. I wrote that off as an exercise in futility. We lose about one half of them during orientation. Of the remaining staff, half of them will leave during their training week or during the first week that they are scheduled to work in an apartment. It was at this point, that my revised time frame for learning their names was put into place. Again, an exercise in futility as half of the ones remaining would not make it through their initial 90 days. From an orientation class of 15 or so, we generally end up with one or two staff that stay. As far as learning names, if I see someone around for a while, I'll eventually get around to asking who that person is. Unless of course, the person has made an impression on me by their actions - good or bad. Good will have me asking coverage the next time I see them, and a bad impression will generally have me taking some sort of immediate action.
Where to next? The latest tainted Chinese import? The impending possibility of the bird flu pandemic? Community acquired MRSA? Yes, those lovely antibiotic resistant, hospital-bred super bugs have escaped into the general population. Nice, eh? MRSA, by the way, stands for Methicillin Resistant Staph Aureus. That's why we call it MRSA... lol The medical community loves acronyms.
It's a little after 3am. I can't sleep. I quit smoking, so my body is doing all sorts of funky things. Waking up from a sound sleep for no apparent reason at all has to be among the worst. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to work later today & tomorrow as well.
I have been brooding over this entry for several days now. I'd pull it from the list of saved drafts, stare at it for varying periods of time, alter it sometimes, and eventually save it back to draft. I thought of relegating it to that nether region where I save such things that suck. For some reason, it seemed to not belong there. This entry had a purpose, a message which had not yet become apparent or relevant to my brain.
There have been several things which have come to my mind over the last few weeks that I wanted to explore or to which I wanted to give voice. I just couldn't seem to come to a place where these thoughts and ideas would congeal into cohesive expression.
I do not know if I have arrived at that point yet. I do know that I have arrived at a "checkpoint" or two along the way. No earth-shattering revelations merely a couple of cynical observations.
On this whole scenario of the "social blogging networks"... People are perfectly willing to post someone else's content without even so much as a nod to the originator of the work. I attempt to give full credit to the source(s) from which I will occasionally lift material. My friend, Al, referenced this phenomena (It is quite plural.) the other day. I told him of the sentiments that one young man had stated on his SU profile; he would give a "thumbs down" to any site that had posted content from the original source when the original source still had the data available and/or had not been properly credited. I suppose people feel they must post that "cutting edge" (wtf ever that's supposed to mean in the first place) content in order to be seen as being truly in touch with whatever happens to be going on. Not that whatever happens to be going on may be the slightest bit noteworthy or significant in the first place. It would be akin to me giving a rat's ass about the next pop culture, mass media feeding frenzy. I will confess though, the comic strip panel about the iphone being able to live up to the hype.... you know the one, it had that button on the iphone that stated something about blocking out anything about Paris Hilton.... I'd post it here, but damn it, I can't find where my computer put it when Al sent it to me the other day, and I'm too much of a slacker to open another tab and go Google. OK, yeah, it also had buttons for strategy on exiting Iraq and a couple of pertinent social things.... but, omg, to have a reality where, at the push of a button, Paris Hilton ceases to exist?!?!
Just FYI, for you dumb-asses out there who haven't figured it out yet, we already have that button. It's right there on your TV remote. It's labelled "off."
On love. Me getting a revelation on love may be sort of like... well... hmmmmmm... I don't really know what would be a perfect analogy for that one. I believe in love. I can't say that I've been completely successful when it comes to the practice of love, but I still think it's a pretty cool concept.
I used to make it a point to learn the names of all the new staff during their orientation week. I wrote that off as an exercise in futility. We lose about one half of them during orientation. Of the remaining staff, half of them will leave during their training week or during the first week that they are scheduled to work in an apartment. It was at this point, that my revised time frame for learning their names was put into place. Again, an exercise in futility as half of the ones remaining would not make it through their initial 90 days. From an orientation class of 15 or so, we generally end up with one or two staff that stay. As far as learning names, if I see someone around for a while, I'll eventually get around to asking who that person is. Unless of course, the person has made an impression on me by their actions - good or bad. Good will have me asking coverage the next time I see them, and a bad impression will generally have me taking some sort of immediate action.
Where to next? The latest tainted Chinese import? The impending possibility of the bird flu pandemic? Community acquired MRSA? Yes, those lovely antibiotic resistant, hospital-bred super bugs have escaped into the general population. Nice, eh? MRSA, by the way, stands for Methicillin Resistant Staph Aureus. That's why we call it MRSA... lol The medical community loves acronyms.
It's a little after 3am. I can't sleep. I quit smoking, so my body is doing all sorts of funky things. Waking up from a sound sleep for no apparent reason at all has to be among the worst. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to work later today & tomorrow as well.
I have been brooding over this entry for several days now. I'd pull it from the list of saved drafts, stare at it for varying periods of time, alter it sometimes, and eventually save it back to draft. I thought of relegating it to that nether region where I save such things that suck. For some reason, it seemed to not belong there. This entry had a purpose, a message which had not yet become apparent or relevant to my brain.
There have been several things which have come to my mind over the last few weeks that I wanted to explore or to which I wanted to give voice. I just couldn't seem to come to a place where these thoughts and ideas would congeal into cohesive expression.
I do not know if I have arrived at that point yet. I do know that I have arrived at a "checkpoint" or two along the way. No earth-shattering revelations merely a couple of cynical observations.
On this whole scenario of the "social blogging networks"... People are perfectly willing to post someone else's content without even so much as a nod to the originator of the work. I attempt to give full credit to the source(s) from which I will occasionally lift material. My friend, Al, referenced this phenomena (It is quite plural.) the other day. I told him of the sentiments that one young man had stated on his SU profile; he would give a "thumbs down" to any site that had posted content from the original source when the original source still had the data available and/or had not been properly credited. I suppose people feel they must post that "cutting edge" (wtf ever that's supposed to mean in the first place) content in order to be seen as being truly in touch with whatever happens to be going on. Not that whatever happens to be going on may be the slightest bit noteworthy or significant in the first place. It would be akin to me giving a rat's ass about the next pop culture, mass media feeding frenzy. I will confess though, the comic strip panel about the iphone being able to live up to the hype.... you know the one, it had that button on the iphone that stated something about blocking out anything about Paris Hilton.... I'd post it here, but damn it, I can't find where my computer put it when Al sent it to me the other day, and I'm too much of a slacker to open another tab and go Google. OK, yeah, it also had buttons for strategy on exiting Iraq and a couple of pertinent social things.... but, omg, to have a reality where, at the push of a button, Paris Hilton ceases to exist?!?!
Just FYI, for you dumb-asses out there who haven't figured it out yet, we already have that button. It's right there on your TV remote. It's labelled "off."
On love. Me getting a revelation on love may be sort of like... well... hmmmmmm... I don't really know what would be a perfect analogy for that one. I believe in love. I can't say that I've been completely successful when it comes to the practice of love, but I still think it's a pretty cool concept.
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