Little Foxes

Gotta love those things in life that go wrong at the most inopportune of times. ~~sigh~~



The van had some post-son-in-shithead mechanical issues. Some money for parts and tools had it fixed yesterday. This morning, went to head to work.... turned the key in the ignition and was met by a loud ka-chunk (not good, methinks), turned the ignition off and tried it again.... loud squeal from a bearing and a rod knocking... (definitely not good), let it idle for a few minutes and it smoothed out, put it into drive with my foot still firmly on the brake - still running a bit rough and the bearing is ka-thunking but no rod tapping, pulled out of the parking spot.... Well, I made it around the block, fearing the rod was going to be thrown through the cylinder at any minute...



So, I'm waiting on Al to finish downloading some data and head in from the East Side in order to schlep me to the office for work.



Several phone calls back and forth to relevant parties, and I'm waiting...



Damn!!



The non-native English speaking quasiboyfriend of the daughter is still kinda on the scene. I should have included the (sic) after the quoted text message in my last post. LOL... think I'll go back and edit that in a bit.



The divorce from the above referenced son-in-shithead is finalized this evening at the lawyer's office. Gotta love it when you can pay your own judge to stop by and take care of things for you.

Too Good to Pass on This One...

The week at work has been crazy thus far. Not altogether unexpected but still more than enough stuff to keep on top of and keep up with that I'm struggling to keep my desk clear. (That's why they invented filing cabinets and file folders, ya know.)

Amanda is making some changes that she feels will be good for her. The quasiboyfriend is having some difficulty grasping the concept that it has nothing to do with him. He just can't seem to understand that they haven't known each other long enough and they aren't involved deeply enough that he is even considered in her decision-making process. Yeah, one of those who seems to think that everything must be all about him. (Her dad gives their involvement 6 months max, by the way.)

So, what does this self-involved and non-evolved dumb ass do this afternoon? OMG! This was so great!! I just couldn't believe it when she told me this when I got off work this evening.

He sent her a text message that read, "merry me"

Oh is that not just the fucking best!!

A TEXT MESSAGE!!

Shit, and here I was feeling like a commodity simply because Hindolo just sort of assimilated me into his marriage mindset. LMTCTFOAO (laughing my twisted cynical tired fucking old ass off). At least he had enough sense not to do something that totally assinine.

Truthfully, Hindolo doesn't text. Doesn't even read text messages when he gets one. I know. I have sent him a few. I gave up. However, if he did text, he has more sense than to even allow something as blatantly stupid as the idea of texting a marriage proposition.

I say proposition because something that totally idiotic could not ever be considered a proposal.

A TEXT MESSAGE!!!
O-M-G!!!

Of course I had to ask her if she had replied..... lmao.... Hey, that's just me.

Amanda can't wait to share that one with the girls at work tomorrow. Neither can I, the truth be told. That one is just too good to pass up.

Ciao.

It Just Figures...

The weather has continued to be miserably humid though not quite as hot these last few days.



The job offers are flooding in. One thing about my industry... it takes forever sometimes to get a job. I was to have an appointment this morning with an agency to do home health for pediatrics. A tumble down my daughter's back steps last evening (Calling myself doing her a favor and taking out the trash.) has left me very stiff and sore and aching. Fortunately, no major injuries... a skinned knee, a jammed finger are about the extent of the acute problems. A sore back, sore arms, aching hips and a drastic decrease in ease of mobility (and that nice dull, throbbing ache with just sitting) are the order of the day.



I rescheduled the appointment to do the paperwork for the home health agency until tomorrow. Seems they have lots of peds that I can do on the weekends! Gotta love it! LOL



I haven't shown any signs of bruising from the fall (yet). And, I'm supposing that when they do show up...



There's no nice way to put this... I'm scheduling my appointment Monday, as soon as I find out which practitioners are covered on my new insurance plan...



I think I have cancer. Possibly a lymphoma... non-Hodgkins... Haven't had any of the fevers, or localized lymphadenopathy (swelling and tenderness of the lymph nodes) that are typical with Hodgkins.



I have two bruises on my right, outer lower leg that have remained relatively unfaded and hard for more than a month now. I had an extreme bout of itching (that's putting it VERY MILDLY... OK, I was about to overdose on Benadryl it was so bad for about 5 or 6 days) in May that I attributed to an allergic reaction to the St. Johns Wort/Griffonia Seed compound that I was trying for an holistic alternative to commerical pharmaceutical antidepressant therapy. When I showed no hives, I then assumed it to be some type of vasculitis related to the autoimmune disorder with the rheumatoid. I have had a congested cough for three? four? weeks now that I attributed mainly to my allergies and the bad air quality... Should have thought about it sooner, though... non-productive, moist cough. And, when I was on the telemetry unit Memorial Day weekend, before I had my cardiac cath, there were abnormalities with my iron studies and some minor things with my blood count.



It wasn't until I became concerned with this nonhealing bruising within the last week or so that I began to put all of the symptomology together.



Oh yeah... I had a couple of glasses of red wine over the weekend and got some pain in the regions of various lymph node clusters... another indicator.



And, then there's the fatigue, which I just chalk up to the RA.



I've had a lot of capillary fragility due to the years of steroid therapy, so bruising doesn't really set off an altert with me. However, unknown (all of my bruising tends to be of relatively unknown origin) bruising that remains this long...



I told Amanda last night that I think I may have cancer. Just told her there's no nice way to put this.... so.... Told her about the bruising, the itching, the cough, the blood abnormalities.... What it all added up as a possible cause....



I really hope I'm wrong. Cancer would be such a pain in my ass. Just one of those things in life that anyone can best do without.



We have the Arthur G. James Cancer Hospital and Richard J. Solove Research Institute (sounds so very, very impressive) here. However, me being me, I'll probably go the Mt. Carmel/Trinity Health route. LMAO Not only do I work for them...



I really wanted to work for them for a reason... I love the philosophy. "Mount Carmel and Trinity Helath were established on a foundation of faith-based principles: Respect, Social Justice, Compassion, Care of the Poor and Underserved, and Excellence. These principles and the Mission serve as a compass to guide our ongoing health care ministry." That mission statement is posted in all Mt. Carmel facilities. On the front cover of the booklet that outlines our organizational integrity program is "But as for me, I will walk in my integrity. PSALM 26:11."



Unfortunately, I don't/can't do the hospital thing any more, and the turn-over rate in the offices are very low. So.... and, as we know, God somehow managed to work out a job for me in an office that I neither applied for or applied to... still makes me LMAO!!

So, I think I'm going to start where I believe...

That's how my week is shaping-up so far. I'm pondering some things, cultivating peace... Funny how your perspective begins to shift and reshape your priorities and the things that seem "important."

The "dog days" of summer are upon us here in Cowlumbus, Ohia. With the combination of the heat, high humidity, UV warnings, and air quality alerts, I have been confined to the relative comfort of air conditioned indoors and relegated to regular usage of antihistamines and inhalers to combat the allergens and airborne pollutants. Thankfully, I do live in a neighborhood where brown lawns become the norm this time of year, so some respite is at hand.



Love our local planning here... One of three bridges into downtown has been closed for replacement for well over five years now - closer to ten I'm fairly certain, but I cannot remember the exact time it was that I chased the thief over the closed bridge... (**you have to love the way my right-brain correlates data...**) Last month, one of the two remaining bridges into downtown (also scheduled for replacement) was ordered permanently closed by the Ohio Department of Transportation due to structural issues. That leaves the one remaining two-way bridge on Broad Street as the only way into downtown. It was bad enough that the Broad Street bridge was the only way OUT of downtown to the West, but to have it as the only access into downtown as well.... And, I will find myself part of that fray on Moanday morning... I am close enough to I-70 that I could attempt that access into the southern edge of downtown/the Brewery District/German Village via that route, but the 70/71 split across downtown is an absolute clusterfuck at the best of travel-times. That section of freeway is the eternal/infernal traffic fatality just waiting to happen. Thank God the Level-1 trauma center at Grant Hospital is about 6 blocks from that particular section of freeway. Many, many people (the ones who actually managed to survive the wrecks that occur on that miserable section of highway, to include my own cousin) owe their very lives to the fact that Grant is that close. Gotta love seeing the helicopters dispatched for a 6 or 8 block flight, but it's necessary for the survival of the victims.



Having spent some time on the trauma unit and in various long-term sub acute units around town, I have had to question exactly why we save some of these people. People on vents in persistent vegetative states, people missing large portions of their brains... permanently restrained, unable to speak or understand, barely able to see, heavily medicated to prevent self-injury and control the persistent, violent rocking and writhing movements... Why do we do this to people? We save their lives to allow them to live at what quality of life?



When I was a much younger nurse, I was convinced that trauma medicine was the place to be. As an older and more jaded (and perhaps a bit wiser, at least a bit more introspective) nurse, I have to ask myself "why?" I will admit that I have formulated no rational, logical answers. I have come up with no answers at all, to be truthful, but at least the process of examining the practice allows me to be able to sleep at night.



Granted, many people (including my cousin) have been given that "second chance" and go on to live productive lives. Many do not, however. Who is to decide? At what level does the cost out-weigh the benefit, not initially, but long-term? Trauma medicine is a money-losing service in itself... another prohibitively expensive health-care quandary/boondoggle irrespective of any moral, ethical, or ideological considerations. Sort of like cancer care and treatment. Cancer research, however, is a tremendously lucrative venture... ~~digression to be better served at another time, LOL. I will merely close that particular avenue at this point by stating that my jaded, cynical self sees that cancer will never be "cured" as there will be waaaaaaay too much money lost by such a particularly fool-hardy action.