I’m not really sure how to begin this entry. I haven't felt like blogging for a couple of days. Not since the 25th. That would have been my uncle's birthday and then my dad's birthday would have been on the 27th. And, Christmas is coming.
I went and stayed with the guy last night. This morning I asked if I was allowed to leave my toothbrush as he was no longer sharing a place with a roommate. I was told to make myself comfortable.
This was after the conversation of last night which sort of rocked my reality, in more than a few ways.
I'm not sure how we got to the subject, but I asked how it was that he came to be in the US. Out came the photos that are not in the album. Out came the story that I did not expect. A few other unexpected things were also said.
It all very much affirmed to me that he is a wonderful man with great character, great ambition, and the right motives. He is willing to sacrifice to do the right thing; he has sacrificed for doing the right thing.
My life is about to take another of those unexpected turns.
I am still trying to process and assimilate it all. If comprehension of the depth and weight of these things is taking a great measure of thought and time, how long will it be before expression and action will follow?
Decisions need to be made. Priorities need to be defined and perhaps redefined.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Insomnia
Insomnia once again... I wish I could figure out why it is that I so often find myself unable to sleep.
And here I am thinking of canceling my subscription to the Pogo game site. What else am I going to be doing at 3am when I cannot sleep?
Blogging is only a quasi-option at 3am. I need something truly mindless and mundane and repetitive to lull myself to sleep.
Went to the fabric store tonight. I found some very, very cool fabrics on sale for 50% off. I was even complimented by another customer at how well I did on finding masculine looking fabrics for the guy's apartment. I don't know that they're so much masculine as they are contemporary in color scheme. I think I did very, very well. I left the store with 39 different, mainly 1/2 yard, cuts of fabric and six black ceramic tea light holders for $102. That blank white expanse of sliding closet doors in the living room doesn't stand a chance! I'm thinking of going back for another six of the tea light holders.
I really did kinda want to hang out with the guy tonight. When he hadn't phoned by 6:30, I showered and went shopping and took myself out to dinner. It was an OK trade-off I suppose. Fabric shopping is my third favorite thing in the the whole world. LOL Now being diabetic, eating cheesecake has been forced further down the list.
Seems that the benadryl and the melatonin have finally begun to work.
It is 3:30. Now we shall see at how I am able to do with getting out of bed on roughly 3 and 1/2 hours of sleep.
Monday, October 22, 2007
I slept for about 3 hours last night. I watched the boys today. I was planning on sending them to the sitters tomorrow and going in to work. The sitter has scheduled appointments for tomorrow, though. I would have gone in tonight and done the paperwork that I was planning on doing, but I am exhausted. I am quite glad that I did not commit to working the 7p to 11p tonight. My reasoning, if I felt like going in to work after the weekend, I would. If not, no harm, no foul.
I have taken my benadryl, and I am nearly ready to roll into the bed. Oh, bed sounds very, very good at this point. I'm not trying to be awake at 3:30 or 4am, so I'm holding off a bit longer.
I ordered fabric today. Some for the guy's apartment and some 1930s reproduction fabrics for the quilt I want to do for Al. I found some very good deals. I suppose I will be taking those little boys with me tomorrow when I go to the fabric store to look for some remaining fabrics. Oh, I remember the last time they went to the fabric store... Maybe I'll just wait and go after work Wednesday.
I have taken my benadryl, and I am nearly ready to roll into the bed. Oh, bed sounds very, very good at this point. I'm not trying to be awake at 3:30 or 4am, so I'm holding off a bit longer.
I ordered fabric today. Some for the guy's apartment and some 1930s reproduction fabrics for the quilt I want to do for Al. I found some very good deals. I suppose I will be taking those little boys with me tomorrow when I go to the fabric store to look for some remaining fabrics. Oh, I remember the last time they went to the fabric store... Maybe I'll just wait and go after work Wednesday.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
It is nearly 4am. I have just arrived home from Wal-Mart and gotten things put away. I didn't get out of work until nearly 1am. See? I told you this was going to be a quick trip to work and then to the store. And you doubted me! LOL
I ended up having the guy who had respiratory problems yesterday sent out tonight for respiratory distress. I really don't even want to go there right now, but I must. Not only did the nurse who had him tonight (same one as last night) fail to see the need for the patient to be sent out for evaluation, but the two staff (same two as last night) who were in the apartment failed to see the need to call the nurse to come examine him to see if he needed to be sent out for evaluation. I came through the back door of the apartment at 11:15pm. This patient's room is clear on the other side of the apartment, right by the front door. I could hear him breathing as soon as I got inside the door.
According to the nurse, he'd been breathing like this for well... he didn't really know how long. He was in the apartment, and his breathing was loud and labored, but he saw no cause for concern... And, he was in the apartment for maybe 10 minutes about 15 or 20 minutes ago... (I can't believe he walked out and left in the first place...)
According to the staff, he had been breathing OK while he was up but started breathing like this after they had put him to bed. When questioned, they said they had put him to bed a little after nine.
According to my coverage assistant who was in the apartment last at 10:20pm, his breathing wasn't labored but he was breathing with a slightly irregular rhythm and it seemed a bit shallow. She had instructed the staff to make him a 10-minute check.
So, for somewhere between 25 and 50 minutes, this guy had been having respiratory distress and no one bothered to pick up the phone. What the fuck!!??!!?
They were lucky to have caught me as I was in the process of collecting my stuff and heading out the door. Had I not been down in another apartment talking with the staff for a few minutes about what was going on with one of the ladies and would have been in the office when my relief arrived at at 10:45pm, I would have already been gone.
I don't often make a report to the health care coordinator when stuff doesn't go the way that it needed to go. I did make a phone call about this particular scenario. I didn't include the other nurse's account of their actions. I'm going to let that nurse hang according to their own account.
I have seen the guy the last couple of days in passing. I took a break about 9:45 tonight and called him. He sounded tired. He was studying. He laughed when I told him that I just missed hearing his voice. He apologized for being so busy with school and being so stressed by everything he has to get done for school. I told him it was OK, I understood. There are only about 7 more weeks left in this quarter. Then, it will be on to the next one. I'm going to go cook him dinner Tuesday. Also fix some things he can take to school to eat during the day. I really do need to help him take better care of himself so that he doesn't get really sick this winter.
It's nearly 5am. I hadn't planned on being up this late. I need to get to bed.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Some Minor Delusion and Self-Deception
Have a few minutes before I have to go dashing out the door to work again...
Worked the 7p to 7a last night. Rolled in about 7:45 this morning and babysat for the three liluns while Michael and Amanda worked. Michael relieved me just before 11am, and I will confess to being exhausted and slightly cross-eyed by the time he got home.
I hit the bed directly and was awake by 4pm. Good thing I'm only doing 4 hours tonight. And, there will be three of us there. Yippee!! (Provided Chi doesn't call off again this weekend. She's in school and had just made it home from clinicals last Saturday at 7pm and was due in at 11pm. If she calls off again tonight, it means I'll be spending the night. Not good at all on about 5 hours sleep and me supposed to be back in tomorrow at 3pm. That will pretty well suck indeed.)
I am contributing to Amanda's inadvertent snow globe collection. Someone had bought one for her once upon a time. Michael saw it, assumed that she liked snow globes, and bought her another. I saw the pair of them, assumed that she liked them, and bought her one more. The snow globe collection was born. (As Christopher Lowell said, it takes at least three items to make a proper display grouping in decor. LOL) Come to find out, a total of 7 or 8 snow globes down the road, she really doesn't really care for these particular more things to have to dust knickknacks. Avon came out with a snow globe for Christmas this year that has a working ferris wheel, lights (I think fiber optic.), and plays eight different Christmas carols. You have the option of having it on without playing the music. In a household with four children, quiet is a good thing. It was like $25 and being that it is Christmas themed, it will only have to make an appearance yearly. I figure that the kiddos will like it, so I added it to her collection. Just another of the myriad of complimentary services that mothers provide.
I had taken a whole passel of paperwork back to the office to work on last night. Being that I haven't worked an overnight in forever; it took me longer than usual to get my meds together for this morning's med pass. Having not seen me in forever, the overnight staff all wanted to talk. I had three guys up all night. One of them, an unstable bipolar guy with a temper. Another was one of my severe cardiac patients who gave the appearance that he could be taking his last breath at any moment. He has an order not to give CPR and to administer comfort measures only. He has chronic pain issues, so of course they have abruptly cut the dose of his pain patch by half. He was due for a new patch this morning, and those patches do not last the full 72 hours that they are said to last. So, I was medicating and monitoring him all night long. I had his roommate out of bed and up my ass (literally at times) all night long because he wasn't staying in the bedroom with this guy's moaning and yelling all night. I cannot blame him for that. I had Mona out of bed at one point. She was removing all of the food from the refrigerator and attempting to make room on the shelf for her to sit in the refrigerator and close the door behind her. Must be getting close to time for her ureteral stent replacement. She starts having really wonky behaviors when that stent begins to calcify. I had one guy who had been readmitted from the hospital yesterday evening who seemed to be having some respiratory issues upon return. His electrolyte balance was off. I wasn't his nurse, and the nurse who had him was the same nurse who had told my staff last week when Martha got sick that not voiding for a whole shift was not an issue as people can go up to five days without urinating. So, I put an extra staff in that apartment (one who just finished the LPN program and is waiting to sit for boards) to have them keep an eye on this guy as I cannot be every place at once.
For now, I have to jump in the shower and head in to see what surprises await.
I'll be back later (hopefully) after an uneventful four hours and a quick, cheap trip to Wal-Mart.
I hope you all believe that because I'm not convincing myself of that reality.
Worked the 7p to 7a last night. Rolled in about 7:45 this morning and babysat for the three liluns while Michael and Amanda worked. Michael relieved me just before 11am, and I will confess to being exhausted and slightly cross-eyed by the time he got home.
I hit the bed directly and was awake by 4pm. Good thing I'm only doing 4 hours tonight. And, there will be three of us there. Yippee!! (Provided Chi doesn't call off again this weekend. She's in school and had just made it home from clinicals last Saturday at 7pm and was due in at 11pm. If she calls off again tonight, it means I'll be spending the night. Not good at all on about 5 hours sleep and me supposed to be back in tomorrow at 3pm. That will pretty well suck indeed.)
I am contributing to Amanda's inadvertent snow globe collection. Someone had bought one for her once upon a time. Michael saw it, assumed that she liked snow globes, and bought her another. I saw the pair of them, assumed that she liked them, and bought her one more. The snow globe collection was born. (As Christopher Lowell said, it takes at least three items to make a proper display grouping in decor. LOL) Come to find out, a total of 7 or 8 snow globes down the road, she really doesn't really care for these particular more things to have to dust knickknacks. Avon came out with a snow globe for Christmas this year that has a working ferris wheel, lights (I think fiber optic.), and plays eight different Christmas carols. You have the option of having it on without playing the music. In a household with four children, quiet is a good thing. It was like $25 and being that it is Christmas themed, it will only have to make an appearance yearly. I figure that the kiddos will like it, so I added it to her collection. Just another of the myriad of complimentary services that mothers provide.
I had taken a whole passel of paperwork back to the office to work on last night. Being that I haven't worked an overnight in forever; it took me longer than usual to get my meds together for this morning's med pass. Having not seen me in forever, the overnight staff all wanted to talk. I had three guys up all night. One of them, an unstable bipolar guy with a temper. Another was one of my severe cardiac patients who gave the appearance that he could be taking his last breath at any moment. He has an order not to give CPR and to administer comfort measures only. He has chronic pain issues, so of course they have abruptly cut the dose of his pain patch by half. He was due for a new patch this morning, and those patches do not last the full 72 hours that they are said to last. So, I was medicating and monitoring him all night long. I had his roommate out of bed and up my ass (literally at times) all night long because he wasn't staying in the bedroom with this guy's moaning and yelling all night. I cannot blame him for that. I had Mona out of bed at one point. She was removing all of the food from the refrigerator and attempting to make room on the shelf for her to sit in the refrigerator and close the door behind her. Must be getting close to time for her ureteral stent replacement. She starts having really wonky behaviors when that stent begins to calcify. I had one guy who had been readmitted from the hospital yesterday evening who seemed to be having some respiratory issues upon return. His electrolyte balance was off. I wasn't his nurse, and the nurse who had him was the same nurse who had told my staff last week when Martha got sick that not voiding for a whole shift was not an issue as people can go up to five days without urinating. So, I put an extra staff in that apartment (one who just finished the LPN program and is waiting to sit for boards) to have them keep an eye on this guy as I cannot be every place at once.
For now, I have to jump in the shower and head in to see what surprises await.
I'll be back later (hopefully) after an uneventful four hours and a quick, cheap trip to Wal-Mart.
I hope you all believe that because I'm not convincing myself of that reality.
Friday, October 19, 2007
It's Gonna Be A Long Night...
Dunno wtf I was thinking… Here I was planning on going to bed like an hour or so ago. Then, I remembered that I'm working a 7pm to 7am shift tomorrow. So, instead of getting up from in front of the computer and going to bed, I got up and went into the kitchen and made some coffee.
Guess I'm just too focused on a couple of other things right now.
I have THE interview tomorrow at 9am at the VA. I had told the intern who called me back yesterday afternoon that any day was good for me other than Friday. I guess the other candidates could make it tomorrow. Oh well. I am sure I will make a fantastic impression after being up all night. So, that's Thing Number One that's on my mind.
Thing Number Two...
I'm thinking of breaking it off with the guy.
That will have my friends asking wtf is wrong with me for certain.
Truthfully, I really don't know why I have it in my head that I want to break it off with him. I'm guessing that I may be where Lisa was on Monday. She wasn't having a good "I feel good about this relationship" day at all. She and I talked for almost an hour. I saw her for a few minutes today, and she is feeling much better. I'm glad.
Right before I got to her office Monday, she had called Barb and said that she was going to leave early. She had thought about it for a bit longer, had switched into "fake it 'til you make it" mode, and had decided to go ahead and stay at work.
I have no idea why I am feeling this way. He has not done anything or said anything out of the ordinary to me. I do not feel any differently towards him than I did yesterday, or the day before, or last week...
Maybe it is:
a) the depression
b) hormonal
c) the stress
d) all of the above
This could be related to the change in my antidepressant medication. I had tapered the Celexa from 60mg to 20mg a day and have been back on the Lexapro for only 5 days now.
I cannot think of one single reason as to why I want to stop seeing him. I only know that this is how I am feeling. It is quite disturbing(?) unsettling(?) to me.
It's coming up on 2am. I have been playing some online games and doing some knitting. I am trying to stay busy and keep my mind from wandering back to this illogical and irrational place where this decision is to be found.
It is going to be a very long night.
Guess I'm just too focused on a couple of other things right now.
I have THE interview tomorrow at 9am at the VA. I had told the intern who called me back yesterday afternoon that any day was good for me other than Friday. I guess the other candidates could make it tomorrow. Oh well. I am sure I will make a fantastic impression after being up all night. So, that's Thing Number One that's on my mind.
Thing Number Two...
I'm thinking of breaking it off with the guy.
That will have my friends asking wtf is wrong with me for certain.
Truthfully, I really don't know why I have it in my head that I want to break it off with him. I'm guessing that I may be where Lisa was on Monday. She wasn't having a good "I feel good about this relationship" day at all. She and I talked for almost an hour. I saw her for a few minutes today, and she is feeling much better. I'm glad.
Right before I got to her office Monday, she had called Barb and said that she was going to leave early. She had thought about it for a bit longer, had switched into "fake it 'til you make it" mode, and had decided to go ahead and stay at work.
I have no idea why I am feeling this way. He has not done anything or said anything out of the ordinary to me. I do not feel any differently towards him than I did yesterday, or the day before, or last week...
Maybe it is:
a) the depression
b) hormonal
c) the stress
d) all of the above
This could be related to the change in my antidepressant medication. I had tapered the Celexa from 60mg to 20mg a day and have been back on the Lexapro for only 5 days now.
I cannot think of one single reason as to why I want to stop seeing him. I only know that this is how I am feeling. It is quite disturbing(?) unsettling(?) to me.
It's coming up on 2am. I have been playing some online games and doing some knitting. I am trying to stay busy and keep my mind from wandering back to this illogical and irrational place where this decision is to be found.
It is going to be a very long night.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Nothing in Particular
I was planning on sort of vegging out - playing an online game or two and doing some more knitting on this throw that I have decided to make as part of my task of decorating the guy's apartment.
I'm going to be ordering the fabric on Friday, yea! I LOVE buying fabric. Buying fabric is second in "fun ranking" only to playing with fabric. Screw the BSN; I could probably make more money doing window treatments. Which is more torturous, making roman shades or assisting with a colonoscopy?
Did a bit more around the house today. Folded and put away two loads of laundry. Cleaned off a shelf in the bathroom. Pulled the lining stuff off two of the shelves in the kitchen. Gathered up some stuff to be taken out of my house. I'm attempting to be less "pack ratty." I may get the mantle cleared and dusted tomorrow and switch out the candle sticks and put up that huge mirror that I found last summer at a yard sale. I'm trying...
Talked with the nurse manager at the VA again today and then to her intern assistant later this afternoon. Guess I've made it to round three as they would like to know which days/times would be good for me to come in for an interview.
Oh, my brain... I was over in My Documents looking for a resume. Found my resume, but also a pattern for Tunisian Crochet pillows that didn't look familiar. Clicked it open, went to the web page, clicked a link for independent crochet designers, added the site to my del.icio.us list... Found and added a couple of more cool sites to my del.icio.us list... Oy!
It's been about 6 weeks since I posted anything on my del.icio.us, I noticed. Wonder when it was the last time that I was at Stumble Upon? And, I really do need to send a nice letter of thanks to Aldous Huxley's Cat. My brain...
That guy said he would call me this evening.
I'm not upset that he didn't. He had an exam today. He still won't fess up to what it is that he eats for lunch. He has an hour drive each way. Makes for some long days. 13 to 14 hours most days. Four days of that and three days of 12-hour shifts at work. By the time you include the commute, that's 13 hours, too. If he gets out of work on time. Not always a guaranteed thing. Then, he has to find time for studying and homework. Not to mention things like doing laundry, going shopping, getting something to eat. He's really not good at the eating thing. I suppose I'll have to go do some shopping and cooking for him. Give me something to do while I'm waiting for the adhesives and glues to dry when I'm decorating next week. LOL
I don't know if he has received the dining room chairs yet. I hope so. I'd like to be able to order all of the fabrics and things at once. If not, it's OK. I'm willing to make the necessary sacrifice and do more fabric shopping later. Oh, I am so bad.
I need to pop over to Yahoo 360 here soon and see what's up in Genny's world. They got the wretched carpet up in the shelter. They still had to work on the nasty, resiny glue stuff that held it in place. I had that crap used to adhere carpet in my KITCHEN in my last place. Oh, that was a job!!
She said that the noise levels had gone up tremendously. Not a good thing for that kind of environment where people are on-edge and often have mental health issues. The "official" opening is going to be on the last Tuesday of this month. The "real" opening will be the party that the clients have the following weekend. I'm trying to get by with not having to work that weekend and go. I need to talk the guy into taking that weekend off and road tripping to Philly with me.
It would be nice for the guy to meet Genny being that she has graciously offered to do the photography for our wedding. LOL Have I mentioned that I'm bad?
He is so very sweet, though. In many ways, I am glad that he is busy with school. I really haven't had a steady guy since I dated Martin 9 years ago. I suppose I should count the ex-fiance, but he was only in town every other weekend. Having not had a steady relationship in so long, I don't think I want to be involved "full time" right now. These things take time, and it gives us more of an opportunity to learn about each other and to grow together. It will be nice when I get my house back together. I told him that he would be welcome to stay here on the weekends so he didn't have so far to drive back and forth to work. It would cut the drive by 2/3 if he stayed here.
I've been knitting a few stitches in between collecting my thoughts and fussing with the dogs. Yes, dogs. Mocha is over visiting quite a bit these days. She is in heat and Napoleon has flat-out lost his mind. There is nothing worse than a baying and howling hound.
There is a coon hound across the street. It arrived when the people bought Mary's house at the same time the house two doors east was sold. Those neighbors have some sort of Corgi or Pomeranian mix. It is a yappy little thing is all I know for certain. I hope the rest of the neighbors know about the coon hound. We don't want them to think that it's Napoleon out there baying every morning at 6am. There is also a beagle/basset/hound somewhere on the north side of the block, too. I heard it the other day. The three of them were all baying and howling together a few days ago. Oh what a cacophony!
The guy bought green kitchen linens. Will go very nicely with that rug that I had already purchased before he moved. LOL I tell you we're simpatico in those areas. That is very funny to me because we are so different in personality and temperament. My Jungian personality test rated me as ENTP. One of the other personality/temperament tests rates me as choleric-melancholy or choleric-sanguine. It runs really close for the complementary personality every time I take that test. It depends on whether or not I'm in a cynical and sarcastic mood or a humorous mood as to which personality trait comes out as the second aspect. Yes, I am an asshole, but I'm a funny asshole. LOL
It is after 2am. I suppose I should haul my carcass to bed.
I'm going to be ordering the fabric on Friday, yea! I LOVE buying fabric. Buying fabric is second in "fun ranking" only to playing with fabric. Screw the BSN; I could probably make more money doing window treatments. Which is more torturous, making roman shades or assisting with a colonoscopy?
Did a bit more around the house today. Folded and put away two loads of laundry. Cleaned off a shelf in the bathroom. Pulled the lining stuff off two of the shelves in the kitchen. Gathered up some stuff to be taken out of my house. I'm attempting to be less "pack ratty." I may get the mantle cleared and dusted tomorrow and switch out the candle sticks and put up that huge mirror that I found last summer at a yard sale. I'm trying...
Talked with the nurse manager at the VA again today and then to her intern assistant later this afternoon. Guess I've made it to round three as they would like to know which days/times would be good for me to come in for an interview.
Oh, my brain... I was over in My Documents looking for a resume. Found my resume, but also a pattern for Tunisian Crochet pillows that didn't look familiar. Clicked it open, went to the web page, clicked a link for independent crochet designers, added the site to my del.icio.us list... Found and added a couple of more cool sites to my del.icio.us list... Oy!
It's been about 6 weeks since I posted anything on my del.icio.us, I noticed. Wonder when it was the last time that I was at Stumble Upon? And, I really do need to send a nice letter of thanks to Aldous Huxley's Cat. My brain...
That guy said he would call me this evening.
I'm not upset that he didn't. He had an exam today. He still won't fess up to what it is that he eats for lunch. He has an hour drive each way. Makes for some long days. 13 to 14 hours most days. Four days of that and three days of 12-hour shifts at work. By the time you include the commute, that's 13 hours, too. If he gets out of work on time. Not always a guaranteed thing. Then, he has to find time for studying and homework. Not to mention things like doing laundry, going shopping, getting something to eat. He's really not good at the eating thing. I suppose I'll have to go do some shopping and cooking for him. Give me something to do while I'm waiting for the adhesives and glues to dry when I'm decorating next week. LOL
I don't know if he has received the dining room chairs yet. I hope so. I'd like to be able to order all of the fabrics and things at once. If not, it's OK. I'm willing to make the necessary sacrifice and do more fabric shopping later. Oh, I am so bad.
I need to pop over to Yahoo 360 here soon and see what's up in Genny's world. They got the wretched carpet up in the shelter. They still had to work on the nasty, resiny glue stuff that held it in place. I had that crap used to adhere carpet in my KITCHEN in my last place. Oh, that was a job!!
She said that the noise levels had gone up tremendously. Not a good thing for that kind of environment where people are on-edge and often have mental health issues. The "official" opening is going to be on the last Tuesday of this month. The "real" opening will be the party that the clients have the following weekend. I'm trying to get by with not having to work that weekend and go. I need to talk the guy into taking that weekend off and road tripping to Philly with me.
It would be nice for the guy to meet Genny being that she has graciously offered to do the photography for our wedding. LOL Have I mentioned that I'm bad?
He is so very sweet, though. In many ways, I am glad that he is busy with school. I really haven't had a steady guy since I dated Martin 9 years ago. I suppose I should count the ex-fiance, but he was only in town every other weekend. Having not had a steady relationship in so long, I don't think I want to be involved "full time" right now. These things take time, and it gives us more of an opportunity to learn about each other and to grow together. It will be nice when I get my house back together. I told him that he would be welcome to stay here on the weekends so he didn't have so far to drive back and forth to work. It would cut the drive by 2/3 if he stayed here.
I've been knitting a few stitches in between collecting my thoughts and fussing with the dogs. Yes, dogs. Mocha is over visiting quite a bit these days. She is in heat and Napoleon has flat-out lost his mind. There is nothing worse than a baying and howling hound.
There is a coon hound across the street. It arrived when the people bought Mary's house at the same time the house two doors east was sold. Those neighbors have some sort of Corgi or Pomeranian mix. It is a yappy little thing is all I know for certain. I hope the rest of the neighbors know about the coon hound. We don't want them to think that it's Napoleon out there baying every morning at 6am. There is also a beagle/basset/hound somewhere on the north side of the block, too. I heard it the other day. The three of them were all baying and howling together a few days ago. Oh what a cacophony!
The guy bought green kitchen linens. Will go very nicely with that rug that I had already purchased before he moved. LOL I tell you we're simpatico in those areas. That is very funny to me because we are so different in personality and temperament. My Jungian personality test rated me as ENTP. One of the other personality/temperament tests rates me as choleric-melancholy or choleric-sanguine. It runs really close for the complementary personality every time I take that test. It depends on whether or not I'm in a cynical and sarcastic mood or a humorous mood as to which personality trait comes out as the second aspect. Yes, I am an asshole, but I'm a funny asshole. LOL
It is after 2am. I suppose I should haul my carcass to bed.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Blah
I feel like crap. That's really nothing new. That guy shared his cold with me last week. I suppose it's OK. I sort of liked the mode of transmission.
He's busy with school. He's studying for another exam tomorrow. I had sent him an email earlier today; he was apologetic that he was too busy to check his email. I told him that I had offered to bring him cold medicine if I could come stay the night. He could study or do whatever he needed to do, and I just wanted to sleep. Maybe cuddle for a bit and then retreat back to my side of the bed. He thought that was funny that I just wanted to come to sleep.
Just wanted a change of venue. Get away for a few hours. Too much stress.
I washed a few dishes this evening. Made myself some red beans and rice. I'm watching a couple of auctions on eBay. My New Zealand yarn "fix" is not going to be selling after 30 October, so I'm buying everything that I can afford.
I have a huge Avon order that I wanted to place as well.
Then, there is the matter of Gabriel, preschool, and tuition... This is the big issue that has be stressed-out.
With Amanda having gone back to work, the kids income is to the point that they have to pay tuition for Gabe to attend preschool. The preschool isn't run by the public school district even though the classes are held in the public school buildings and the district provides transportation. Go figure. Well, his tuition is $232 a month. Not bad really.
However, the kids being in dire financial straits are why she went back to work. My last two checks have gone to keep the mortgage from going into foreclosure and to keep the water from being shut off. This next check will be for somewhere around 95 hours, and I'm sure at least part of it will be used for something similar.
Gabe isn't doing well in regular preschool. No surprise to me. Amanda isn't really surprised by it either. However, she did want to keep him in the regular class until the end of this month before transferring him to the special needs preschool so he could go on the field trip to the pumpkin patch. He's really looking forward to that. Michael has finally agreed that regular preschool isn't the place for Gabe right now.
His teacher phoned me at 9:06 this morning. She said she had sent a note home in his folder yesterday that Amanda needed to pay his tuition for September and October. Until it was paid, Gabe would be excluded from classes. I was at the school by 9:40 to pick him up. I figured I would pay his tuition on Thursday when I get paid so he can return to school and finish out the month.
I looked at the note in his folder after I got him home. Tuition due for September is $176, for October $232. It will cost me $408 for this boy to go to the pumpkin patch. I know that there is no way that Michael and Amanda will be able to pay any of that money back to me.
The kids all need new winter coats. Christmas is rapidly approaching. The three little ones all have birthdays coming up over the next six weeks.
My winter gas bill is about to go soaring out of sight. They have forecast that gas prices are going to hit $4 a gallon by spring. As I have no insurance right now, I'm paying full price for my medication. And, I've given up on the Celexa and gone back to the Lexapro. The Celexa just wasn't quite doing what I needed it to do. 60mg of affordable Celexa per day versus 10mg of the pricey Lexapro. I guess I have to pay for what works best for me. The weather changes have arrived, and I'll be back to taking the Celebrex regularly.
So, what's a grandmother to do?
I'm thinking more along the lines of bribery and pay-offs. Gabe really won't care about missing the trip to the pumpkin patch until his sister brings home a pumpkin. I'll go buy him a pumpkin. I'm sure I can find one for less than $400. And, he could care less about school and school work. Trying to get him motivated to do homework is a serious chore. Yes, they have homework in preschool. This is where the bribery comes in.
The Nyquil is kicking me in the ass. Time for bed.
He's busy with school. He's studying for another exam tomorrow. I had sent him an email earlier today; he was apologetic that he was too busy to check his email. I told him that I had offered to bring him cold medicine if I could come stay the night. He could study or do whatever he needed to do, and I just wanted to sleep. Maybe cuddle for a bit and then retreat back to my side of the bed. He thought that was funny that I just wanted to come to sleep.
Just wanted a change of venue. Get away for a few hours. Too much stress.
I washed a few dishes this evening. Made myself some red beans and rice. I'm watching a couple of auctions on eBay. My New Zealand yarn "fix" is not going to be selling after 30 October, so I'm buying everything that I can afford.
I have a huge Avon order that I wanted to place as well.
Then, there is the matter of Gabriel, preschool, and tuition... This is the big issue that has be stressed-out.
With Amanda having gone back to work, the kids income is to the point that they have to pay tuition for Gabe to attend preschool. The preschool isn't run by the public school district even though the classes are held in the public school buildings and the district provides transportation. Go figure. Well, his tuition is $232 a month. Not bad really.
However, the kids being in dire financial straits are why she went back to work. My last two checks have gone to keep the mortgage from going into foreclosure and to keep the water from being shut off. This next check will be for somewhere around 95 hours, and I'm sure at least part of it will be used for something similar.
Gabe isn't doing well in regular preschool. No surprise to me. Amanda isn't really surprised by it either. However, she did want to keep him in the regular class until the end of this month before transferring him to the special needs preschool so he could go on the field trip to the pumpkin patch. He's really looking forward to that. Michael has finally agreed that regular preschool isn't the place for Gabe right now.
His teacher phoned me at 9:06 this morning. She said she had sent a note home in his folder yesterday that Amanda needed to pay his tuition for September and October. Until it was paid, Gabe would be excluded from classes. I was at the school by 9:40 to pick him up. I figured I would pay his tuition on Thursday when I get paid so he can return to school and finish out the month.
I looked at the note in his folder after I got him home. Tuition due for September is $176, for October $232. It will cost me $408 for this boy to go to the pumpkin patch. I know that there is no way that Michael and Amanda will be able to pay any of that money back to me.
The kids all need new winter coats. Christmas is rapidly approaching. The three little ones all have birthdays coming up over the next six weeks.
My winter gas bill is about to go soaring out of sight. They have forecast that gas prices are going to hit $4 a gallon by spring. As I have no insurance right now, I'm paying full price for my medication. And, I've given up on the Celexa and gone back to the Lexapro. The Celexa just wasn't quite doing what I needed it to do. 60mg of affordable Celexa per day versus 10mg of the pricey Lexapro. I guess I have to pay for what works best for me. The weather changes have arrived, and I'll be back to taking the Celebrex regularly.
So, what's a grandmother to do?
I'm thinking more along the lines of bribery and pay-offs. Gabe really won't care about missing the trip to the pumpkin patch until his sister brings home a pumpkin. I'll go buy him a pumpkin. I'm sure I can find one for less than $400. And, he could care less about school and school work. Trying to get him motivated to do homework is a serious chore. Yes, they have homework in preschool. This is where the bribery comes in.
The Nyquil is kicking me in the ass. Time for bed.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Was a very long day at work today. I ran for 9 of the 11 hours that I was there. That makes for such long days. This is why my doctor didn't want me working longer than 8 hour shifts or more than 24 hours per week.
Saw the guy just long enough to tell him that he gave me his cold! It's OK though. I liked the method of transmission.
I finally got to see his new place last Wednesday. As I had already been promised carte blanche on the decorating, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. My friend, Al (yes, that same Al), asked how I could have specific ideas for decorating his place never having seen it or his new furniture. I told him that I was sure my ideas would work. After having seen the apartment, my ideas will definitely work. I related this to Al, along with the statement that the guy and I have very similar tastes as far as furniture are concerned. Mainly contemporary. I lean a bit more to the eclectic than the guy does. I have no problem pairing a cherry Queen Anne coffee table or a Mission bookcase with contemporary.
Sofa, love seat, chair in ivory leather with dark wood (looked cherry) arms. Very nice. I'd have probably opted for a pair of wingback chairs with some retro print upholstery rather than three completely matching pieces, but that's just me! The coffee table and side tables were awesome. Glass tops suspended above cherry bases by pewter metal "s" shaped pieces. Fashioned in a nice "s" shaped design. Little round ivory topped storage ottomans fit into the interior of the "s" curves. The lamps were wood with pewter bases. Very "put together" look. It wouldn't surprise me if he bought it from the floor as it had been displayed, but that's cool, too. At least he recognizes what looks good. And, that's a step above some of the y-chromosomes that I have dealt with in the past.
So, I've been looking for and have found some fabrics... everything from burlap to dupioni silk to some retro prints. I found such a cool retro print to make a wall piece. It will only take about 1/2 yard of the cotton to make the piece. The fabric is on sale for $4.98 a yard! Score! Hey, it's an apartment so we're going chic on the cheap! LOL For the record, I'd do a house pretty similarly. Why put a whole bunch of money into decor accents that you might like to change in a couple of years?
He doesn't have the dining room chairs yet, so I'm not sure what to do in there. He doesn't have a dining room table, either. He liked the chairs but not the table that went with them so he's looking for another table. Depending on what the chairs look like, I'd love to throw some funky old antique farmhouse table in there! I wouldn't rule black lacquer out of the running, either. Then again, that's just me.
I should head to bed. It's getting late, and I have to be back in at 10:30.
Saw the guy just long enough to tell him that he gave me his cold! It's OK though. I liked the method of transmission.
I finally got to see his new place last Wednesday. As I had already been promised carte blanche on the decorating, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. My friend, Al (yes, that same Al), asked how I could have specific ideas for decorating his place never having seen it or his new furniture. I told him that I was sure my ideas would work. After having seen the apartment, my ideas will definitely work. I related this to Al, along with the statement that the guy and I have very similar tastes as far as furniture are concerned. Mainly contemporary. I lean a bit more to the eclectic than the guy does. I have no problem pairing a cherry Queen Anne coffee table or a Mission bookcase with contemporary.
Sofa, love seat, chair in ivory leather with dark wood (looked cherry) arms. Very nice. I'd have probably opted for a pair of wingback chairs with some retro print upholstery rather than three completely matching pieces, but that's just me! The coffee table and side tables were awesome. Glass tops suspended above cherry bases by pewter metal "s" shaped pieces. Fashioned in a nice "s" shaped design. Little round ivory topped storage ottomans fit into the interior of the "s" curves. The lamps were wood with pewter bases. Very "put together" look. It wouldn't surprise me if he bought it from the floor as it had been displayed, but that's cool, too. At least he recognizes what looks good. And, that's a step above some of the y-chromosomes that I have dealt with in the past.
So, I've been looking for and have found some fabrics... everything from burlap to dupioni silk to some retro prints. I found such a cool retro print to make a wall piece. It will only take about 1/2 yard of the cotton to make the piece. The fabric is on sale for $4.98 a yard! Score! Hey, it's an apartment so we're going chic on the cheap! LOL For the record, I'd do a house pretty similarly. Why put a whole bunch of money into decor accents that you might like to change in a couple of years?
He doesn't have the dining room chairs yet, so I'm not sure what to do in there. He doesn't have a dining room table, either. He liked the chairs but not the table that went with them so he's looking for another table. Depending on what the chairs look like, I'd love to throw some funky old antique farmhouse table in there! I wouldn't rule black lacquer out of the running, either. Then again, that's just me.
I should head to bed. It's getting late, and I have to be back in at 10:30.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Monday
I need to get to bed soon, but I wanted to get some of this down on “paper” before it leached out of my brain entirely… lol
Been a long three days at work. The hours were short, but I was busy. I went in today for 6 hours or so and sat behind the computer and did lab audits on five of the nine apartments. Tomorrow, I will finish the other four.
Until I go in tomorrow afternoon, I have brought blank orders home in order to fix all of the lab orders that I just fixed five months ago that our pharmacy has totally
messed up when they print out our monthly order sheets. We make corrections every month, but I try and sit down three times a year and go through every single order and make sure that the lab draws are coordinated so we’re not sticking people needlessly and repeatedly. And, I audit and fix every single pharmacy printout screw up that the nurses don’t manage to catch and fix on a monthly basis. Honestly, Brian and I do most of the catching and fixing.
Him more so than me these last couple of months as I have had a serious attitude about nurses who do not want to do their jobs and seem to expect that someone else will come in behind them and clean up the mess.
When I went to part-time in the late spring, my patient paperwork load was cut to 4 people. Full-time nurses do paperwork for 8 people. This was in addition to all of my lab orders and audits and corrections and physician contacts and updates, etc. And, I pretty much kept that same paperwork load when I went part-time.
The full-time nurse who had the other four patients in the apartment for paperwork was assigned my four as well when I went contingent (and still had all of my lab duties to keep up with). She said that it was just too much work for her and cut her hours to part-time.
This is a night shift nurse. Trust me, I worked the night shift for years. I know exactly what there is to do on the night shift. For the first 18 months that I worked nights, I was the only nurse on grounds on Friday and Saturday nights. I still did paperwork for an entire apartment.
That would also be one of the nurses about whom I have had an attitude these last couple of months. We have nurses who have been there for over two years and act like they do not know how to phone the pharmacy for medication that has run out. Give me a fucking break!!
And people wonder why I was not interested in taking the night supervisor position.
I haven’t seen my friend Lisa, our program director, for close to a month now. She saw me typing away in the supervisor’s office and popped in. She told me she had received a letter inquiring about me. (From the VA. Brian had gotten his, too.) I ran down the details of the position to her. She said she would fill it out and put it in the mail for me tomorrow. Brian did his over the weekend. I had asked Brian if he had received a call from the VA for a reference, and he had told me about the letter. I told him, “You’re my friend. Lie dammit!” LOL
Lisa inquired as to how things were going with the guy. I filled her in. She said she said hi to the guy the other day on grounds and he looked down and wouldn’t meet her gaze. (I made sure that he knew that Lisa and I are friends when he and I first started seeing each other. She is the supervisor of his department.) She said she really wanted to pull him aside and tell him that she thinks it’s great for the two of us and not to worry about it. It obviously causes him some problems. As she said, it’s hard enough to find someone that you really “click” with, and to have it happen at our job and to have to try and keep it out of the grapevine has had to be tough.
I told her that she and the other three people who know are still the only ones. But, I was getting tired of having Helen hanging all over him all the time. If Helen knew, she wouldn’t be hanging around him like she does. So, it really isn’t fair to her. She’s trying to get somewhere with a young, attractive, intelligent, nice guy. He can’t tell her that he’s got a girlfriend because if it gets out that he has a girlfriend, it won’t take long for it to be figured out. A few people have had suspicions and have gone to my friend, Joni, with them. Joni’s response, “I guess you’ll have to follow them home some night.” Oh, I love it!!
I loved Lisa’s response to me about Helen. “She’s the African version of a blonde.” OMG! That was just so right on! Helen is very nice and very sweet. And, she would be soooooooooo blonde!
My daughter and I joke that if her dog, Mocha, were human, she would be blonde and would be a democrat but not know why. LOL
Speaking of democrats… Brian was working in the office Saturday when I went in to do some paperwork before I started work. We went out to smoke. He commented about it being so hot outside. It’s the first week of October and temperatures have been right around 90 for the last 2 weeks. Records have been broken due to the heat. I told him, “Yeah, but there’s nothing to this global climate change myth. That’s just stuff propagated by those liberal fags.” He laughed and shook his head. “That’s according to the religious reich, anyway.” He told me I was bad.
Please note, my friends Al and Genny and I have determined that bad is good. (Refer to previous blog entry. If you can find the damn thing.)
Things are going well for Lisa and her new guy. I’m so glad that I told her to go for this one rather than the one she had been dating for the last year when she asked my opinion. Any guy, who meets you when you’re out mowing the lawn, sweaty, no makeup, looking ratty, covered in grass clippings, and thinks you still look hot… Hey, he’s seen you at your worst at that point, so it can only get better from there. She and I had a good laugh over the y-chromosome defect because her fellow let that “I love you” slip when he was ending the phone conversation the other night. He tried to explain when he saw her. He felt that way about her but just wasn’t ready to say it yet… but, he had already said it… omg! Men! LOL
I’m glad Lisa’s happy. I concur with her dad who said (when she told him about meeting Scott), he would have been disappointed had she ended up with Ned. As soon as she told me that Ned had taken umbrage at her shoe collection, I knew that he was not the one for her! Hey, some girls just really like their shoes. Lisa likes her shoes. I like Lisa’s shoes, too. She has some really cool ones!
Today was my first day on grounds on a weekday in a few weeks. The weekday staff was glad to see me, asked where I have been. They are disappointed that I have gone contingent. Of course, as it always is when I go in and try to do paperwork, drama finds me. Our autistic runner sprinted from her building with the staff doing some seriously quick acrobatics in order to cut her off on her way up the sidewalk. I was impressed! I jumped up from the swing where I was talking with one of my PITA, noncompliant, irascible patients and cut off her progress up the sidewalk towards the parking lot and the street. We managed to get her to sit down on one of the benches and get her calmed down and back to the apartment after about 10 minutes.
A couple of hours more behind the computer, and I needed a smoke and was headed out back. I heard a tapping on the window from one of the apartments and turned around to go see who it was and what they needed. The staff needed help in getting a patient who had been sedated alert enough to go eat dinner. It took about 10 minutes to get him roused and me sitting at the table with him to keep him awake enough to eat. I am his favorite nurse, and he will do just about anything that I ask, including take a shower. His shower is the reason that he gets sedated. For being a little guy, he can kick the shit out of a three-person escort if they’re trying to get him to the shower. He will usually go for me with no behaviors and without sedation. My guy works in this apartment, and Jim will generally go to the shower for him, too. With Jim, it’s all about how you deal with him 100% of the time in how he will respond to you when you mention a shower.
Of course, the staff took the opportunity of having an extra person in the apartment to go take a smoke break. Tom went and then Angie. The apartment is mandatory double coverage. Two people have to be there at all times. So, if there is no extra person to come and cover, you don’t get a break. Nurses aren’t allowed to cover when we are working the floor because we could get a 911 call from another apartment at any time and have to leave immediately.
Angie had returned from smoking, and Jim had finished eating. I helped clear the remaining dishes from the table and took them over to Mark, who was loading the dishwasher. I had just grabbed my bottle of water and my cigarette when the phone rang. It was another apartment calling. Tom volunteered that I was there and could come unlock their office and retrieve the keys they had locked inside.
Off to the other apartment I went. No keys inside the office. The staff and I began searching the apartment for the keys. In several of the apartments, it is required that the staff keep the keys in their possession at all times. We have residents who will take the keys and get into the office or other locked areas and steal soda, cigarettes, snacks that belong to another resident, money, etc. This would be one of the apartments where the staff is required to have the keys in their possession. After searching for about 10 minutes, the nurse who was working the floor for this apartment came in. She had found the keys on the table where the staff had left them when going to help the occupational therapy assistant. Not seeing any staff to give them to, she had picked them up but had gotten a call from another home and had to leave before she could find a staff person to leave the keys with. Incident report avoided! Whew! Glad it was she and not one of the other nurses who would have written the incident report. I hate having to write statements! LOL
Every minute detail that goes wrong is an “incident.” More often than not, it is a serious pain to have to pick up and sign off on some of these incident reports. We have lots of scrapes and scratches and small bruises of unknown origin. Some of our people have difficulty negotiating around in their wheelchairs and bump into things. Some of our ambulatory folks bump into things. Some of our folks are very fragile. Those types of incidents can get overwhelming some days. I’ve had shifts where I have had five or six of those types of incidents. Because we deal with a vulnerable population, it is important that we record and document those minor injuries and do our best to try and determine origin. Administration is responsible for documenting and contacting all other persons and agencies with which the client had contact in the previous 24 hours. Workshop. Recreational staff. Community outings. Family. All staff assigned to work in that apartment. Doctor’s offices. When we have so much of that to deal with, in addition to the major type of incidents… falls and injuries and people being sent to the emergency room... incidents like the staff not picking up the keys when being interrupted in the middle of doing something in order to go help with a client just sort of piss you off. But, we have a few nurses who are just thrilled to be able to write up those types of incidents.
I will confess, when I first started work here several years ago, I joined up with that crowd. It took me about six months to figure out that you just can’t worry about the inconsequential incidents if you ever expect to be able to get anything done for your clients and gain the respect and trust of your staff. When my supervisor did my first yearly evaluation, it was a good one. Very fair. Her off the record comment was the best… “And you quit writing incident reports to get people in trouble.” LOL
I’m one of the nurses that people will tell things to, because they know it will go no further. The staff knows that if they come to me with concerns about a resident, I will follow up on it. I ask questions about how the residents have been doing with certain things. I will feed the residents their dinner if we are short-staffed in an apartment. I will stop in the middle of a med pass and make breakfast for a patient going out to dialysis. I will strip a bed and throw the soiled linens in to be washed. I will hang out in the homes and interact with the folks. We have a very good time, though I still have yet to make it to one of the infamous Saturday afternoon Yahtzee tournaments that take place in one apartment. Leon, who always complains about being made to get out from in front of the TV and come play, always seems to win!
By hanging out in the apartments, you get to know the staff and see how they interact with the residents and how the residents respond to them. More often than not, there is a lack of interaction. I help to remedy that. I had one of my noisy ladies folding towels one day. She didn’t do a very good job, but she wasn’t bored and yelling the whole time. In fact, we had a very nice conversation.
One of my patients from a previous job was living here when I first started work here years ago. John was in a wheelchair as he had been in a nursing home for a while due to a broken hip before coming to live with us. The guys who lived in the apartment invited me to stay for dinner one night. When John finished eating, he began to roll himself away from the table, leaving his dishes. John was autistic and did not speak. I asked him if he was going to take his dishes and put them in the dishwasher. He rolled himself back to the table, put his plate and silverware on his lap, rolled over to the dishwasher and put his dishes in and then rolled on into the living room. The staff looked at me amazed, and commented, “I didn’t know he could do that.” My response, “Have you ever asked him?”
I am often the one who jokingly reminds my patients that we are not the Hilton, and we do not provide maid service. This is your home, and you need to be responsible for getting things done. We are more than happy to assist you with the things you need assistance with, but…
Is it really such a big deal that Larry doesn’t sweep under the tables very well? Or that Calvin doesn’t wring out the mop quite enough when he does the kitchen floor and it stays wet for an extra 20 minutes or so? Or, that it takes Gerry 30 minutes to vacuum the hallways when it would only take the staff 10 minutes to do it? Or that if you have Tracey take out the garbage someone has to walk with him? Or the fact that if you have Gaylord or Allen fold the towels it will take them an hour because the towels have to be folded exactly perfectly?
I so prefer to see my folks active and productive in some way rather than being actively enabled to total dependence in every facet of their existence. I love being able to tell my folks that they have done a good job, even if it is just for remembering to use their napkin at dinner. We talk a whole lot about “role modeling” and “normalization” in our home settings - everything from remembering to use a napkin to how to answer the phone and to walk on the sidewalks and not cut through the bushes or the courtyard. That’s why I love it when my patients invite me to stay for a meal. Yes, I’m there prompting the ones who need cues to eat slower, chew well, put your fork down, take a drink right along with the staff. But, we are also interacting. We’re practicing conversation and manners. We’re sharing – how our day has gone, what sporting event is coming on TV, what flavor of ice cream is best… It’s a good time, and it should be viewed as part of the job.
Oh, I’m not even going to go there right now.
That’s one of those areas where only fools dare to tread… at 12:42am with a 6:30am wake up time pending…
Been a long three days at work. The hours were short, but I was busy. I went in today for 6 hours or so and sat behind the computer and did lab audits on five of the nine apartments. Tomorrow, I will finish the other four.
Until I go in tomorrow afternoon, I have brought blank orders home in order to fix all of the lab orders that I just fixed five months ago that our pharmacy has totally
messed up when they print out our monthly order sheets. We make corrections every month, but I try and sit down three times a year and go through every single order and make sure that the lab draws are coordinated so we’re not sticking people needlessly and repeatedly. And, I audit and fix every single pharmacy printout screw up that the nurses don’t manage to catch and fix on a monthly basis. Honestly, Brian and I do most of the catching and fixing.
Him more so than me these last couple of months as I have had a serious attitude about nurses who do not want to do their jobs and seem to expect that someone else will come in behind them and clean up the mess.
When I went to part-time in the late spring, my patient paperwork load was cut to 4 people. Full-time nurses do paperwork for 8 people. This was in addition to all of my lab orders and audits and corrections and physician contacts and updates, etc. And, I pretty much kept that same paperwork load when I went part-time.
The full-time nurse who had the other four patients in the apartment for paperwork was assigned my four as well when I went contingent (and still had all of my lab duties to keep up with). She said that it was just too much work for her and cut her hours to part-time.
This is a night shift nurse. Trust me, I worked the night shift for years. I know exactly what there is to do on the night shift. For the first 18 months that I worked nights, I was the only nurse on grounds on Friday and Saturday nights. I still did paperwork for an entire apartment.
That would also be one of the nurses about whom I have had an attitude these last couple of months. We have nurses who have been there for over two years and act like they do not know how to phone the pharmacy for medication that has run out. Give me a fucking break!!
And people wonder why I was not interested in taking the night supervisor position.
I haven’t seen my friend Lisa, our program director, for close to a month now. She saw me typing away in the supervisor’s office and popped in. She told me she had received a letter inquiring about me. (From the VA. Brian had gotten his, too.) I ran down the details of the position to her. She said she would fill it out and put it in the mail for me tomorrow. Brian did his over the weekend. I had asked Brian if he had received a call from the VA for a reference, and he had told me about the letter. I told him, “You’re my friend. Lie dammit!” LOL
Lisa inquired as to how things were going with the guy. I filled her in. She said she said hi to the guy the other day on grounds and he looked down and wouldn’t meet her gaze. (I made sure that he knew that Lisa and I are friends when he and I first started seeing each other. She is the supervisor of his department.) She said she really wanted to pull him aside and tell him that she thinks it’s great for the two of us and not to worry about it. It obviously causes him some problems. As she said, it’s hard enough to find someone that you really “click” with, and to have it happen at our job and to have to try and keep it out of the grapevine has had to be tough.
I told her that she and the other three people who know are still the only ones. But, I was getting tired of having Helen hanging all over him all the time. If Helen knew, she wouldn’t be hanging around him like she does. So, it really isn’t fair to her. She’s trying to get somewhere with a young, attractive, intelligent, nice guy. He can’t tell her that he’s got a girlfriend because if it gets out that he has a girlfriend, it won’t take long for it to be figured out. A few people have had suspicions and have gone to my friend, Joni, with them. Joni’s response, “I guess you’ll have to follow them home some night.” Oh, I love it!!
I loved Lisa’s response to me about Helen. “She’s the African version of a blonde.” OMG! That was just so right on! Helen is very nice and very sweet. And, she would be soooooooooo blonde!
My daughter and I joke that if her dog, Mocha, were human, she would be blonde and would be a democrat but not know why. LOL
Speaking of democrats… Brian was working in the office Saturday when I went in to do some paperwork before I started work. We went out to smoke. He commented about it being so hot outside. It’s the first week of October and temperatures have been right around 90 for the last 2 weeks. Records have been broken due to the heat. I told him, “Yeah, but there’s nothing to this global climate change myth. That’s just stuff propagated by those liberal fags.” He laughed and shook his head. “That’s according to the religious reich, anyway.” He told me I was bad.
Please note, my friends Al and Genny and I have determined that bad is good. (Refer to previous blog entry. If you can find the damn thing.)
Things are going well for Lisa and her new guy. I’m so glad that I told her to go for this one rather than the one she had been dating for the last year when she asked my opinion. Any guy, who meets you when you’re out mowing the lawn, sweaty, no makeup, looking ratty, covered in grass clippings, and thinks you still look hot… Hey, he’s seen you at your worst at that point, so it can only get better from there. She and I had a good laugh over the y-chromosome defect because her fellow let that “I love you” slip when he was ending the phone conversation the other night. He tried to explain when he saw her. He felt that way about her but just wasn’t ready to say it yet… but, he had already said it… omg! Men! LOL
I’m glad Lisa’s happy. I concur with her dad who said (when she told him about meeting Scott), he would have been disappointed had she ended up with Ned. As soon as she told me that Ned had taken umbrage at her shoe collection, I knew that he was not the one for her! Hey, some girls just really like their shoes. Lisa likes her shoes. I like Lisa’s shoes, too. She has some really cool ones!
Today was my first day on grounds on a weekday in a few weeks. The weekday staff was glad to see me, asked where I have been. They are disappointed that I have gone contingent. Of course, as it always is when I go in and try to do paperwork, drama finds me. Our autistic runner sprinted from her building with the staff doing some seriously quick acrobatics in order to cut her off on her way up the sidewalk. I was impressed! I jumped up from the swing where I was talking with one of my PITA, noncompliant, irascible patients and cut off her progress up the sidewalk towards the parking lot and the street. We managed to get her to sit down on one of the benches and get her calmed down and back to the apartment after about 10 minutes.
A couple of hours more behind the computer, and I needed a smoke and was headed out back. I heard a tapping on the window from one of the apartments and turned around to go see who it was and what they needed. The staff needed help in getting a patient who had been sedated alert enough to go eat dinner. It took about 10 minutes to get him roused and me sitting at the table with him to keep him awake enough to eat. I am his favorite nurse, and he will do just about anything that I ask, including take a shower. His shower is the reason that he gets sedated. For being a little guy, he can kick the shit out of a three-person escort if they’re trying to get him to the shower. He will usually go for me with no behaviors and without sedation. My guy works in this apartment, and Jim will generally go to the shower for him, too. With Jim, it’s all about how you deal with him 100% of the time in how he will respond to you when you mention a shower.
Of course, the staff took the opportunity of having an extra person in the apartment to go take a smoke break. Tom went and then Angie. The apartment is mandatory double coverage. Two people have to be there at all times. So, if there is no extra person to come and cover, you don’t get a break. Nurses aren’t allowed to cover when we are working the floor because we could get a 911 call from another apartment at any time and have to leave immediately.
Angie had returned from smoking, and Jim had finished eating. I helped clear the remaining dishes from the table and took them over to Mark, who was loading the dishwasher. I had just grabbed my bottle of water and my cigarette when the phone rang. It was another apartment calling. Tom volunteered that I was there and could come unlock their office and retrieve the keys they had locked inside.
Off to the other apartment I went. No keys inside the office. The staff and I began searching the apartment for the keys. In several of the apartments, it is required that the staff keep the keys in their possession at all times. We have residents who will take the keys and get into the office or other locked areas and steal soda, cigarettes, snacks that belong to another resident, money, etc. This would be one of the apartments where the staff is required to have the keys in their possession. After searching for about 10 minutes, the nurse who was working the floor for this apartment came in. She had found the keys on the table where the staff had left them when going to help the occupational therapy assistant. Not seeing any staff to give them to, she had picked them up but had gotten a call from another home and had to leave before she could find a staff person to leave the keys with. Incident report avoided! Whew! Glad it was she and not one of the other nurses who would have written the incident report. I hate having to write statements! LOL
Every minute detail that goes wrong is an “incident.” More often than not, it is a serious pain to have to pick up and sign off on some of these incident reports. We have lots of scrapes and scratches and small bruises of unknown origin. Some of our people have difficulty negotiating around in their wheelchairs and bump into things. Some of our ambulatory folks bump into things. Some of our folks are very fragile. Those types of incidents can get overwhelming some days. I’ve had shifts where I have had five or six of those types of incidents. Because we deal with a vulnerable population, it is important that we record and document those minor injuries and do our best to try and determine origin. Administration is responsible for documenting and contacting all other persons and agencies with which the client had contact in the previous 24 hours. Workshop. Recreational staff. Community outings. Family. All staff assigned to work in that apartment. Doctor’s offices. When we have so much of that to deal with, in addition to the major type of incidents… falls and injuries and people being sent to the emergency room... incidents like the staff not picking up the keys when being interrupted in the middle of doing something in order to go help with a client just sort of piss you off. But, we have a few nurses who are just thrilled to be able to write up those types of incidents.
I will confess, when I first started work here several years ago, I joined up with that crowd. It took me about six months to figure out that you just can’t worry about the inconsequential incidents if you ever expect to be able to get anything done for your clients and gain the respect and trust of your staff. When my supervisor did my first yearly evaluation, it was a good one. Very fair. Her off the record comment was the best… “And you quit writing incident reports to get people in trouble.” LOL
I’m one of the nurses that people will tell things to, because they know it will go no further. The staff knows that if they come to me with concerns about a resident, I will follow up on it. I ask questions about how the residents have been doing with certain things. I will feed the residents their dinner if we are short-staffed in an apartment. I will stop in the middle of a med pass and make breakfast for a patient going out to dialysis. I will strip a bed and throw the soiled linens in to be washed. I will hang out in the homes and interact with the folks. We have a very good time, though I still have yet to make it to one of the infamous Saturday afternoon Yahtzee tournaments that take place in one apartment. Leon, who always complains about being made to get out from in front of the TV and come play, always seems to win!
By hanging out in the apartments, you get to know the staff and see how they interact with the residents and how the residents respond to them. More often than not, there is a lack of interaction. I help to remedy that. I had one of my noisy ladies folding towels one day. She didn’t do a very good job, but she wasn’t bored and yelling the whole time. In fact, we had a very nice conversation.
One of my patients from a previous job was living here when I first started work here years ago. John was in a wheelchair as he had been in a nursing home for a while due to a broken hip before coming to live with us. The guys who lived in the apartment invited me to stay for dinner one night. When John finished eating, he began to roll himself away from the table, leaving his dishes. John was autistic and did not speak. I asked him if he was going to take his dishes and put them in the dishwasher. He rolled himself back to the table, put his plate and silverware on his lap, rolled over to the dishwasher and put his dishes in and then rolled on into the living room. The staff looked at me amazed, and commented, “I didn’t know he could do that.” My response, “Have you ever asked him?”
I am often the one who jokingly reminds my patients that we are not the Hilton, and we do not provide maid service. This is your home, and you need to be responsible for getting things done. We are more than happy to assist you with the things you need assistance with, but…
Is it really such a big deal that Larry doesn’t sweep under the tables very well? Or that Calvin doesn’t wring out the mop quite enough when he does the kitchen floor and it stays wet for an extra 20 minutes or so? Or, that it takes Gerry 30 minutes to vacuum the hallways when it would only take the staff 10 minutes to do it? Or that if you have Tracey take out the garbage someone has to walk with him? Or the fact that if you have Gaylord or Allen fold the towels it will take them an hour because the towels have to be folded exactly perfectly?
I so prefer to see my folks active and productive in some way rather than being actively enabled to total dependence in every facet of their existence. I love being able to tell my folks that they have done a good job, even if it is just for remembering to use their napkin at dinner. We talk a whole lot about “role modeling” and “normalization” in our home settings - everything from remembering to use a napkin to how to answer the phone and to walk on the sidewalks and not cut through the bushes or the courtyard. That’s why I love it when my patients invite me to stay for a meal. Yes, I’m there prompting the ones who need cues to eat slower, chew well, put your fork down, take a drink right along with the staff. But, we are also interacting. We’re practicing conversation and manners. We’re sharing – how our day has gone, what sporting event is coming on TV, what flavor of ice cream is best… It’s a good time, and it should be viewed as part of the job.
Oh, I’m not even going to go there right now.
That’s one of those areas where only fools dare to tread… at 12:42am with a 6:30am wake up time pending…
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Other than putting on some makeup and changing my shoes, I’m about as prepared for work as I’m going to get today. I just hate being in one of those frames of mind where I dread to do things. You’d have thought I would have gotten used to it after all these months of feeling this way! LOL
I’m headed in a bit early to print off some stuff and get it into the lab books. I was able to get a few things done this week in spite of having Trinity and Gabe each be home one day this week in addition to having a very missing his mommy and being needy as well as generally fastidious two-year-old daily. It’s all good, though.
I just poured myself another cup of coffee, but I think I may as well just get ready and go. Sitting here is not doing anything to improve my view on things.
Maybe I’ll get to see that guy later. Who knows. And, at this point, I really can’t say that it would matter to me one way or the other.
I’m headed in a bit early to print off some stuff and get it into the lab books. I was able to get a few things done this week in spite of having Trinity and Gabe each be home one day this week in addition to having a very missing his mommy and being needy as well as generally fastidious two-year-old daily. It’s all good, though.
I just poured myself another cup of coffee, but I think I may as well just get ready and go. Sitting here is not doing anything to improve my view on things.
Maybe I’ll get to see that guy later. Who knows. And, at this point, I really can’t say that it would matter to me one way or the other.
The end of everyone else’s week has arrived. Mine is beginning. For what that 8 hours of work is worth. Not much in my pocket. Probably will encounter more problems than I will be able to solve. More than likely will end up having to deal with extraneous drama. That’s sort of the nature of what it is that I do.
Played phone tag with the guy for longer than I talked with him this evening. He made it through the long week. Suffered from a bad headache that lasted through yesterday after returning to his old apartment for the rest of his things Wednesday and found it had been fumigated. He ended up having to reschedule an exam he was due to take on Thursday because of it. He didn’t get to enjoy his birthday very much it would seem.
I have been up and down with the blood sugar all week. I never made it in to work Thursday or today to pick up my paycheck. Today, I thought I must have been coming down with the flu because I was aching and fatigued and had such a miserable headache. Nope. When I finally got around to eating properly for lunch, I suddenly felt much better.
Jonathan has been quite the cling-on this week. Even with his mom home, I have been refused permission to leave twice this week. He refused to go to the sitter’s today. He didn’t want to run errands with me today, either. So, he was sprawled out on the couch next to me watching DVDs and Noggin nearly all day. He even came over and laid his head on my lap and watched TV for quite a while. Very unlike him.
I was the best grandma today, though. I had picked him up some SpaghettiOs when I went to the store yesterday. He hasn’t had them for a while and was very happy to see the cans in the pantry cupboard this morning. I think he would have eaten them for breakfast if I had allowed it. I also picked up some favorite snacks for him and the other kiddos as well. Amanda just hasn’t had the extra money for them since they’re so far behind on the bills. So, it was very comforting, to him especially, to have the fruit and cereal bars and the yogurt tubes.
I fixed cheese ravioli for dinner for them last night, to rave reviews. I even bought croutons for the salad. It isn’t that Amanda hasn’t had the money for those. She doesn’t like croutons and never buys them period. Everyone else, however, loves them. Jonathan will sit and eat croutons by themselves; dipped in ranch dressing of course. Oh, he is such the fat kid.
Gabe fared miserably conduct-wise in school on Tuesday and ended up being kept home on Wednesday due to continued off-the-hook antics and behaviors. He did better on Thursday and Friday. It was no fun staying home with grandma and not getting to watch what you wanted to watch and not getting to play the video games as a consequence of bad behavior the day before. Amanda and I both talked with his teacher this week. The social worker has been in to observe him this week on Thursday. Hopefully, more behavioral evaluation will be forthcoming.
I need to get to bed. I don’t work until tomorrow afternoon, but I need to get in to work early tomorrow morning and pick up my check so it can make it to the bank before they close at noon.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
The "F" Game
My friend, Genny, is intelligent, compassionate, and genuinely hilarious. She runs a homeless shelter in the Philadelphia area. I guess that maybe keeps a lid on the mayhem might be a better single-phrase description of what it is exactly that she does. I could not do what Genny does. In essence, we do much of the same thing; we genuinely care about the wellbeing of those whom society would like to pretend do not exist.
When the guy was headed out of town a few weeks back, Philly was one of his destinations. Genny invited him to feel free to stop by the celebration of her mother’s eightieth birthday and observe the dysfunction. I related this to him and answered the resultant query of, “What is dysfunction?” At some point during our conversation that evening, Genny had mentioned a game that her parents had come up with a couple of years ago, the “F” game. Her mother has been in severe pain due to a growing cyst on her spine. Surgery is the only remedy. Until all the consults could be completed and the procedure scheduled, her mother dealt with the severity of the pain by taking narcotics in the evening and playing the “F” game during the day to help cope with the misery.
Apparently the “F” game was invented a couple of years ago after her parents went to see a movie. Apparently, just about every other word in the dialogue of the movie was “fuck.” On the way home afterwards, Genny’s dad had turned to her mother and asked how she had liked the fucking movie. The “F” game was born. Genny cited a couple of instances of the “F” game. Omg! I was rolling!! Being that neither Genny nor I is quite right in the head, we thought it would be hilarious to play a round of the “F” game with Al the next time we all had a three-way chat online. Now, Al isn’t quite right in the head either, so we knew that he would be appalled but able to appreciate the gag once we had let him in on it.
Well, we ended up playing a round of the “F” game the other night. Genny and I laughed so hard we were in stitches. I commented to her in IM that it was a good thing that neither of us lived with other humans because they would surely think us to be mad. She said that Ringo, her cockatoo, was laughing as hysterically as she was. Being that her sliding door was open, she hoped that the neighbors didn’t hear them. We chatted briefly last night. Her neighbors had indeed heard the laughter and had been laughing themselves because Genny and Ringo were laughing so uncontrollably. I commented that it was a pity that we hadn’t archived the chat as it was a classic twisted moment. As it turned out, the chat was archived. Fucking-a yippee!!
After we had let Al in on the “F” game and its origin, he began to type every word with the letter “m” as its first letter. I had to respond that I had a patient who just talked like that. That, of course, inspired Al to get sillier with his statements. Genny asked if I could actually understand my patient who talked like this. Yes, I can, on those rare occasions when he will actually speak slowly. I told Al that all he needed to do to make the impersonation perfect was to stand his hair on end and put his glass eye in backwards. (Al doesn’t have a glass eye, but my patient does.)
So, that’s the synopsis of the “F” game. I suggest you try it out when you get the suitable opportunity. It’s a blast.
Today is the guy’s birthday. I sent him a quick e-card this morning. As it came from my yahell email addy, I had to send him an email from my usual addy telling him not to delete the card. As of his email yesterday afternoon, he was 98% moved. I offered several times to help, but no amount of reasoning, logic, or common sense was breaking through that cultural bias. He was not about to be the only African man on the face of the planet with a woman carrying furniture to the third floor. LOL I made my final offer with an email Monday and then let it drop. It wasn’t worth an argument. Guess that’s about it for now. More drek and drivel later.
When the guy was headed out of town a few weeks back, Philly was one of his destinations. Genny invited him to feel free to stop by the celebration of her mother’s eightieth birthday and observe the dysfunction. I related this to him and answered the resultant query of, “What is dysfunction?” At some point during our conversation that evening, Genny had mentioned a game that her parents had come up with a couple of years ago, the “F” game. Her mother has been in severe pain due to a growing cyst on her spine. Surgery is the only remedy. Until all the consults could be completed and the procedure scheduled, her mother dealt with the severity of the pain by taking narcotics in the evening and playing the “F” game during the day to help cope with the misery.
Apparently the “F” game was invented a couple of years ago after her parents went to see a movie. Apparently, just about every other word in the dialogue of the movie was “fuck.” On the way home afterwards, Genny’s dad had turned to her mother and asked how she had liked the fucking movie. The “F” game was born. Genny cited a couple of instances of the “F” game. Omg! I was rolling!! Being that neither Genny nor I is quite right in the head, we thought it would be hilarious to play a round of the “F” game with Al the next time we all had a three-way chat online. Now, Al isn’t quite right in the head either, so we knew that he would be appalled but able to appreciate the gag once we had let him in on it.
Well, we ended up playing a round of the “F” game the other night. Genny and I laughed so hard we were in stitches. I commented to her in IM that it was a good thing that neither of us lived with other humans because they would surely think us to be mad. She said that Ringo, her cockatoo, was laughing as hysterically as she was. Being that her sliding door was open, she hoped that the neighbors didn’t hear them. We chatted briefly last night. Her neighbors had indeed heard the laughter and had been laughing themselves because Genny and Ringo were laughing so uncontrollably. I commented that it was a pity that we hadn’t archived the chat as it was a classic twisted moment. As it turned out, the chat was archived. Fucking-a yippee!!
After we had let Al in on the “F” game and its origin, he began to type every word with the letter “m” as its first letter. I had to respond that I had a patient who just talked like that. That, of course, inspired Al to get sillier with his statements. Genny asked if I could actually understand my patient who talked like this. Yes, I can, on those rare occasions when he will actually speak slowly. I told Al that all he needed to do to make the impersonation perfect was to stand his hair on end and put his glass eye in backwards. (Al doesn’t have a glass eye, but my patient does.)
So, that’s the synopsis of the “F” game. I suggest you try it out when you get the suitable opportunity. It’s a blast.
Today is the guy’s birthday. I sent him a quick e-card this morning. As it came from my yahell email addy, I had to send him an email from my usual addy telling him not to delete the card. As of his email yesterday afternoon, he was 98% moved. I offered several times to help, but no amount of reasoning, logic, or common sense was breaking through that cultural bias. He was not about to be the only African man on the face of the planet with a woman carrying furniture to the third floor. LOL I made my final offer with an email Monday and then let it drop. It wasn’t worth an argument. Guess that’s about it for now. More drek and drivel later.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Monday Morning
Was planning on heading in to work this morning after I dropped Jonathan at the sitters. However, I have Trinity home sick today. Guess it's a good thing I brought home some stuff that I can work on here today.
Going contingent did mean losing my regular load of patient-related paperwork and assignments. It did not mean signing off on my administrative paperwork and duties. Funny how it works that way.
Saw a couple of more promising job leads in the paper yesterday. The VA job is still running #1, but I'm going to check out a couple of other places as well.
We are planning on having pizza at work next Sunday for that guy's birthday. It should be fun. I'll have to get a card for all of the guys who live in the apartment to sign for him. They all like him, and he likes them so it will be something special to him.
We were all giving Mark (one of the residents) a bad time yesterday at dinner. He wants to move out and go live with his sister in Alaska. Not a very realistic goal on his part, but I understand why he feels that way. Of course, in our singularly inappropriate way, we had to make him feel loved! LOL
Yesterday was Tom's birthday, so all of the guys were in a good mood. Birthday translates into something for dinner that doesn't suck! LOL Of course, the guys all had to join in on giving Mark a good-natured bad time as well. Lots of laughter at dinner. We even managed to get a couple of smiles and comments out of Dan, probably one of the most foul-natured residents on grounds.
I should probably get on this paperwork. This stack of papers isn't going to magically sort and revise itself.
Going contingent did mean losing my regular load of patient-related paperwork and assignments. It did not mean signing off on my administrative paperwork and duties. Funny how it works that way.
Saw a couple of more promising job leads in the paper yesterday. The VA job is still running #1, but I'm going to check out a couple of other places as well.
We are planning on having pizza at work next Sunday for that guy's birthday. It should be fun. I'll have to get a card for all of the guys who live in the apartment to sign for him. They all like him, and he likes them so it will be something special to him.
We were all giving Mark (one of the residents) a bad time yesterday at dinner. He wants to move out and go live with his sister in Alaska. Not a very realistic goal on his part, but I understand why he feels that way. Of course, in our singularly inappropriate way, we had to make him feel loved! LOL
Yesterday was Tom's birthday, so all of the guys were in a good mood. Birthday translates into something for dinner that doesn't suck! LOL Of course, the guys all had to join in on giving Mark a good-natured bad time as well. Lots of laughter at dinner. We even managed to get a couple of smiles and comments out of Dan, probably one of the most foul-natured residents on grounds.
I should probably get on this paperwork. This stack of papers isn't going to magically sort and revise itself.
The Conundrum Continuum
I should confess to being way behind on viewing my email subscriptions and reading my email. It isn’t so much that I am disinterested as much as it is that nothing seems to catch my interest. Sewing, making jewelry, shopping, working, cleaning my house, reading a book, watching a movie, doing a crossword puzzle, working in the yard, being on the computer…. Nada. Zip. Zilch. In fact, I don’t really go out of the house unless I have very specific reason. Work. Groceries. Drop the kiddos at school. That’s about the extent of my outside ventures of late. Well, toss in to go and visit that guy on occasion. But, then he and I don’t go anywhere. We just stay at his house. We did go for ice cream once when the air conditioning was broken, and it was miserably hot in his apartment. So, even going to his house is pretty safe for not having to venture outside.
How do I arrive at a solution to the problem of making myself want to do something? I will decide to do something, and I may make an attempt at doing it. More often than not, it doesn’t get past the stage of being a thought process. Sometimes, I do start to do something, but I stop shortly into the process because completing it doesn’t really seem to matter to me.
The medication helps in that some things do go beyond being merely thought about and do get under-way. However, the medication does not seem to be the “magic bullet” to cure what is ailing me.
Am I afraid to try because I may fail, or am I afraid to try because I may succeed?
Do I want to delve that deeply into my psyche when it is after midnight, and I have to be up by 7am?
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