Staying Alive

Round Two of my employment at Park West came to an end in early June. That ending has brought both relief and hardship, though thankfully, more of the former than the latter. Though I've had to contact Wage & Hour to try and recover salary that they owe me and money has been extremely tight, I am more than thrilled to be away from the malpractice and the drama.

I'm currently doing in-home care for an autistic child (more on that later) and grossly under-employed, yet it's a job so I'm not complaining.

Classes and the ensuing ton of nursing school homework/busy-work are keeping the guy far busier than I would like. But, we're still together... it has been a year. I'm certain that none of the people who know us would have thought that with the major differences in our personalities that we'd have made it together this long.

I am still a bit dismayed with the cultural/male attitude that I'm an "assumed acquired commodity" but hey... I was at his place the other night, and he had to run out to pick up notes from a classmate. I was left at the apartment to my own devices (another first that reiterates that I'm equated to "acquired commodity status") while he ran. He returned and assumed the position in front of the computer for the next round of the previously mentioned busy-work. I watched a bit of the news on the 43-inch LCD TV that gets recpetion on three channels (as it is connected, not to HD cable service, but a set of rabbit ears... omg, he is such a different one...), kissed him goodnight, and told him to wake me when he came to bed.

I had commented to him earlier in the evening that I'm not sure what he is going to do when we are at a point where he sees me daily as it will be so different from how things have been throughout our relationship to this point. I told him he will need to work three jobs in order for things to seem "normal." He laughed.

Tom came from California for a visit with Amanda and the kids. They spent a few days in Pennsylvania with family and attended a family reunion. Amanda was finally able to meet some relatively normal members of the family. Amanda has also determined that her parents are never allowed to be together in the same room - ever. We, her parental units, determined that as her dad only makes it here for a visit every three to five years, she will simply have to deal with it.

Amanda and Tom had gone out to shoot pool one night and managed to be home an hour before last call. OMG, he's getting OLD!! That never would have been the case, even 10 years ago! I had been watching the kiddos while they were out, and had just carried Gabe up to bed at 1:30am right before they got home. We were sitting around the living room talking and Amanda was seriously nodding on the love seat. Her dad told her to just go ahead and go up to bed as we would be OK without her. I reminded her that "after all, we are your parents." He laughed and she looked annoyed.

Al stopped in for a couple of brief visits while Tom was here. Olli also met her dad (having met Al the week before her dad's arrival in town). So, Olli was straight as to which dad he could and could not mention certain details. Always a major consideration when dealing with my two exes/her two dads.

YES!!! The phone call finally came!! FULLTIME EMPLOYMENT HAS APPEARED ON THE SCENE!!

The money isn't the greatest, but it's for a pediatric practice affiliated with Mt. Carmel Health Systems. Ergo, excellent benefits. One of the physicians has an integrated practice and does lots of special needs kiddos. And, I do really believe in the philosophy of Mt. Carmel - providing service to the under-served and disadvantaged. My health insurance will be about $28 a month and the 401K is available for enrollment immediately and matched fully to 3% and at half to 5%.

The best part about the position is how God worked it out. Especially as I hadn't even applied for this job!! Or even applied at this office.

I had emailed a resume for an office coordinator/nursing position at another practice affiliated with Mt. Carmel. How my resume came to be in the hands of this particular physician/office manager, I have no clue.

I went for an interview late one afternoon last week. The weather was miserably hot and humid - heat index near 100, with the actual temperature itself above 90 - and my daughter's van has no working air conditioning. So, what to wear for this interview was quickly becoming a dilemma. Being that I'm very much a "what you see is what you get" person, it was even more of a challenge.
I opted for a long, sleeveless rayon dress in a dark blue print. It was nice enough to look good, still me, and weather-survivable.

On being ushered into the back office, the physician greeted me first. She stated that she had not intended to even be present for my interview as she had a previous commitment, but when she had seen me in the waiting room, she KNEW that she simply had to meet me.

As it turns out, her previous commitiment was the charity medical clinic that is organized and run by one of the larger, nondenominational churches in the area. The large nondenomination church that is right up the road, pretty much, from the large nondenominational church with which I am affiliated. So, it turns out that we're on the same page on the important things.

You just have to love how God chooses to do things.

His way. His timing. His purposes.

I will be primarily this physician's nurse, though there is another physician in the office - with a completely different type of practice (again, another more on that later), and they are looking to add a fulltime nurse practitioner to the practice. The offer had already been made to the nurse practitioner, but there was no word yet (as of my interview day) on whether or not she had decided to accept the offer. So, exactly what my job description/duties will be is subject to change depending on how the office practice may be restructured, but I'm flexible. And, new challenges and changes are always fun.

Still, too funny about how God decides to do things.

Even funnier, I had no idea that I would be receiving this phone call a couple of hours after I logged on to begin writing this post this morning.

I'll have to call the y-chromosome person and let him know. He's at work, so I'll make it after all of the administrative "powers that be" have left grounds for the day... which should be around 3:30 as it's Friday. Was planning on calling him later today anyway to suggest that he pick me up tomorrow after work and drop me back home Sunday morning on his way back to work. As he won't stay here because he's worried that the German Shepherd dog would bark at him.

Oh, he is so going to love the male Jack Russell Terrier that I gift to him. I am greatly anticipating the 5-pound dog standing in the middle of the bed barking and growling and telling him "my mommy!" I am also anticipating the dog vs the expensive leather living room furniture (if only in my dreams!! ~evil laugh and wicked grin~).

It's time to get moving on some lunch for the kiddos.

More later....

Weekend Recovery

The meaning of the title is two-fold… I would much rather be detailing how the events of the weekend provided some much needed recovery. However, the events and the occurrences of the weekend from which I need to recover predominate my thoughts and occupy waaaaaay too much of my time and energy at this moment and also will necessitate a repetition of the same pattern for several days to come…

I would love to elaborate and give the details of my co-workers’ exploits and actions that are the reason I need recovery, but it simply pisses me off too fucking much to even begin the thought processes necessary to merge the actions of the three nurses who created this cluster-fuck on Saturday night into a single time-line. Let me sum it up by saying two things, when I even begin to think about it, the screaming headache returns in an instant. No, that is not exaggeration for the sake of literary license. That is a fact of truth. The second thing, I am awaiting the written report from the on duty physician and charge nurse from the local hospital’s Emergency Department that is being sent to the investigative unit of the county board of mental retardation in which they label my staff as “incompetent.”

Finally, it will be documented correctly on paper for everyone to see. Hallelujah!! Amen!! Thank you Jesus!!

As I have been prohibited by my superiors from using the “i” word in any of my written reports, corrective actions, retraining documents, I am overjoyed at the impending prospect of being able to see it in black and white and out there in plain sight for the people who need to see it to see it. This is a banner day in my quest to be able to finally make a sweeping change in who works on my shift, and more importantly, who is charged with taking care of my clients. More accurately phrased in my reality, who is entitled to be able to take care of my clients.

The other part of the title refers to how I spent my Saturday. All day Saturday after working all night on Friday. I had seen a memo posted that for the 25^th Anniversary Open House next month, the clients from our supported living division had decided to make a quilt to celebrate. Implements of construction, fabric, embellishments in hand, I headed to the corporate office for a day of block-making.

By the time 3pm rolled around, I was exhausted, fulfilled, and amazed. I had made several new friends, had finally gotten to put faces to names with some of our supported living staff, and was in awe of the creations that the clients had made. It was such a very cool thing to me to be able to see how they had incorporated the various “bits of stuff” into expressing their vision. It was truly the stuff that art is made of.

For now…. I’m off to re-write policy & procedure…..

Some Etc

It is a bit after 5am. My wake-sleep cycle is a bit more disrupted than I would have liked it to be. My granddaughter guilted me on Sunday with the, "but I never get to see you." So, I napped for a couple of hours between noon and 2pm, crashed hard before midnight, and was up all day yesterday. I have been up since around 3am.

I will have to get the little boys from the sitter's this afternoon. I may just keep them until Amanda gets home as Linda (the other grandmother) is having a new refrigerator and a new freezer delivered this afternoon. The two older kiddos underfoot is not as miserable a prospect in that scenario as the addition of the two wild boys would be.

It is official. Michael is out of the picture. He left Friday. In many ways it is more of a relief than anything else.

I had finished the throw that I was making him for his birthday yesterday. It was washed and dried and folded on the couch when he arrived unannounced yesterday evening at the house. He seemed very surprised to see me there. I was over doing some laundry for Amanda. Joni had commented that I should give it to him unfinished with the comment that I would have been glad to finish what I had started if he had been willing to finish what he had started. You gotta appreciate the perspective of your friends.

The threatened three to five inches of snow did not materialize. There is maybe 1 1/2" of the white stuff out there. Just enough to be a nuisance to driving and to keep the German Shepherd girl in "revolving door" mode.

For those of you who pray, please say a prayer for my coworker's daughter, Tracy. She is a young woman with pulmonary hypertension that is causing major and cumulative crises in her health. Most of the problems are secondary to the medications that she must take in order to stay alive. I would say "living," but she isn't able to be doing much living at this point. She has extreme weight loss and bone mass loss from the medications. Lots of pain and unable to walk. And, say a prayer for my coworker, Amanda, too. She is dealing with this and with an elderly father located several states away who has had a rapid onset of dementia over the last couple of months. Definitely serves to put much of my petty bitching and drama into perspective.

I suppose things are gradually coming along with my shift in duties and position at work. Not much has really changed. Most of the staff already knew to behave when I was on grounds.

My back and my leg are feeling better after being able to rest for a couple of days after the long week that last week was. I keep reminding myself that I am only going to have to do this for another year or so.

There has been a flurry of buying activity for yarns and beads this last couple of weeks. Gearing up and getting back into the swing of things. It is a welcomed respite. I feel best when I am "making."

On that note, my needles have been waiting patiently, and it is time to take them up.

Reality

I called off work last night. I didn't particularly want to, for various reasons - monthly change-over paperwork, finances, attendance points, laboratory orders and results, on-going mentoring training, client paperwork and updates...

With having so many valid reasons for needing to go to work, why did I call off? Lack of sleep? I've worked longer, harder shifts on less sleep. Depression? I'm still struggling with my father's death and the ever-present chronic pain, but the depression is very manageable most days. Burn-out from the grandchildren? Yes, I've had the two little boys home and sick all week, and Ness home sick for the last two days. "Special Ed" (nod to Crank Yankers) has continued to be "on" in the behavioral area and has me stressed out to the point of wanting to medicate him or myself on a regular basis, but that's nothing new.

As an aside, we did finally get a diagnosis from the behavioral evaluation. ADHD with ODD - Oppositional Defiant Disorder. As I told my daughter as we were reading the reports - Special Ed is ODD. The surly bitch failed to see any humor in that at the time. She and I talked about the diagnosis for a bit last night, in light of continued observance of his behaviors and correlating them with the diagnosis. We're not fully convinced that it's totally accurate or complete, and feel that in some ways they were just looking to be able to pigeonhole or to place a label. So, I'm sure there will be more to come... from him, from me, from the medical community. As he starts preschool in the fall, we can throw some educators into the mix as well. LMSFAO (laughing my surly fucking ass off) On the note of educators, the preschool teacher who knows this child and who was looking forward to having him in her class next year has been "staff reduced." The Columbus Public School District's way of saying "fired." She has the opportunity to bump a person with less seniority from a position at another school. We've had one very good teacher, who is low on seniority and deals yearly with the situation of being staff reduced or bumped, decide to resign from the district and go elsewhere. The principal has decided to go elsewhere as well. She's tired of fighting the district for the staff and the teachers and the programs that the kids need. She's a wonderful advocate for the children and the families that she serves. Her presence will be sorely missed, and I hope her new school and district appreciate what they have in her. hmmmm.... I wonder if the google-gods will let me use those characters in my post... I guess we shall see - publish or perish! LOL

So, why exactly then did I call off work?

My knees.

They're still horribly sore and painful from having worked Monday night. I can walk on the flat and level, but don't ask me to bend them... sit, stand, go up/down stairs....

It's a crushing realization at this point.

I have "known" for a couple of months now, since my physician cut my hours to part time, that I would have to find another job. Another career field, in reality. But, the realization of that has become more and more ominous as the days of this week have slipped by. In spite of medications and rest, my knees have gotten no better.

What is a nurse who cannot walk?

My sciatic nerve pain and the pain from the sciatic nerve impingement that radiates down my left leg and the numbness in my feet, due to both sciatic nerves being impinged, play a part in this as well, but that has been secondary to the pain and decreased range of motion in my knees this week. It plays a part in not being able to walk, though.

I've been here several times over the last eleven years, since having been diagnosed with the rheumatoid arthritis.

And, I'm tired.

I've blogged before about the un/under-employment cycle related to this disease, on my old Yahoo 360 blog (see the link on my homepage of this blog), so I'm not going to re-hash that reality again. It would be both redundant and depressing.

I'm going to finish my coffee, smoke a cigarette, and think about what I need to do. It's time to make a change.

The greatest fear that we face is the fear of the unknown. Thankfully, I'm not given to fear.